A Hundred Shades of Gay

Dear Fans,

This may come as a surprise. Or not. But, I am closing down this blog. No, it's not you. It's me. And yes, I just used a classic breakup line. The truth is, I need space. I need time. Yup, I did it again. But, seriously, I figured I finally need a clean break from my past life to move forward and set the stage for the next phase of my life - retirement, err… a serious, long-term, monogamous, non-cheating, romantic and sexual, some form of equal, relationship with a tall, white or hispanic, blue or brown/black-eyed, smart, financially stable, muscular jock with a big and thick cut cock who loves me for simply being me. Char.

Anyway, Tristan Tales has been my home for over four years and a lot of you have been witness to how this has evolved from being a new blog, to a sex blog, to a blog that deals with sex, love, and body parts. For some time, this was the fastest growing, kinda-popular-in-my-head, you're-too-lame-if-you don't-know-Tristan-Tales, oh-I-want-to-meet-the-blogger-and-hopefully-fuck-him, blog. Well, that's all in the past. Now, this is probably just one of those dormant blog links that you still keep "for old times sake" in your blog list. Thanks just the same. 

To me, this is more than just a blog. This holds a collection of my life stories - all real, no fudging, no bullshit-I-really-had-sex-with-that-guy stories. Tristan Tales is where I shared a few stories of life growing up, getting ahead and moving forward. This is where I told and retold my stories of love, lost-loves and lust. When I'm already a dinosaur at 200 and cannot remember where I placed my false teeth moments ago, I will be able to go back and read this blog and it will remind me of how wonderful my life was for at least four years. 

But,  for now, it is now time to move on. It's time to close this chapter. I have long been disconnected with the Philippine gay scene anyway and my international escapades have documented more than half of the Ms. Universe countries. I would think I have covered and shared enough stories to make a book - A Hundred Shades of Gay? LOL. I think it's really time to stop for a moment, live life, experience new things, and maybe someday, write again.

And so I say thank you to all of you for inspiring me to write. Thank you for making me feel special with every comment, email, instant message that you've sent me. To those whose messages I have failed to return, please accept my apologies. But know for a fact that your message have made me smile, cum, and wonder what the hell who you were thinking when you decided to write to some strange gay guy online! I will respond at some point. Thank you to all the great people I met through this site, some of whom I will consider as friends for a very long time. Thanks to my virtual friends, frenemies and haters. God bless you all. And finally, thank you to all my boys (including body parts) for making me feel - thank you for making me feel something more than an urge to suck your small Filipino cocks. Peace.

I might be back again someday. But, until then, I wish you all a happy life. 

Cheers, Tristan

Free Fall

The Mexican was five minutes early. What he didn't know was I had been in the area thirty minutes before him. For some reason, I felt the need to come early and pick up the movie tickets ahead of time. I decided to walk around the block and window shop. I was trying to amuse myself. I was nervous. First date jitters. I always have them no matter how many dates I have been on. It's always the fear of the unknown; of dead air; of really bad first dates that get to me. I have control issues, I know.

I saw him just as I crossed the street. I looked around for a familiar face - the one that was staring at me not too long ago on my bed. The moment I saw him, I smiled. He cleaned up well. He was wearing a patterned polo, jeans and sneakers. I can see a round neck tee underneath. His necklace dangling beneath the layers of fabric. I made a mental note to ask him what it was for. I noticed he had his hair cut. He looked much younger than the last time I saw him. He had also grown some stubble - just enough to tickle, I said to myself.

I walked over and said hi. I stuttered on my first sentence. Something was up. I almost never stutter - except when I'm nervous; usually around gorgeous guys. My tongue was telling me something. Stupid tongue. I caught a whiff of the Mexican. He wore the same scent the last time. It was citrusy yet very distinct. It was not a scent I have ever smelled on anyone before. I made another mental note: ask what cologne he's wearing.

We were escorted to our table. I haven't been to this particular restaurant and I realized quickly that I may have chosen something a bit too much for the first time. But, he wanted to eat Mexican and that was the only option in the area. It's a good thing our waiter was Hispanic. I listened to him engage the waiter in a friendly conversation. It was the first time I ever heard him speak Spanish. He sounded differently. I have this thing about Spanish. It fascinates me.

"I forgot you spoke Spanish.", I commented.

He smiled coyly.

"Yeah, it's my first language. But, I don't sound Hispanic when I speak English.", he explained.

I nodded. I was gonna say something but I stuttered again.

"Years of practice!", he jokingly continued.

The first few minutes were kinda awkward. But, it soon picked up after our drinks arrived. I figured he must be nervous too. He told me that the drink helped him loosen up a bit. I was wary that the drink might hit me before the entrees arrived. But, I was fine. After a couple of sips, I finally got the courage to deepen the conversation.

"You know what, you act older than your age."

He smiled.

"I'm twenty four.", he replied. 

Instantly, I felt two years disappear between us. Thank God.

"I'm older.", I replied. 

"Twenty six?", he asked.

I hesitated. I'll take twenty six any day.

"Nah, more like thirty two. Oh God, that hurts.", I replied as I grabbed on to my chest.

He smiled. I saw his teeth. Perfectly aligned. My mind wandered off. I remembered how we kissed several days earlier. I miss the taste of his lips; the feel of his tongue. I stopped myself before I went daydreaming any further.

"Do you have brothers and sisters?", I finally asked.

And that got him started. I never expected he'd open up as much as he did. He told me how complicated his family was; that he was born out of wedlock to a father who's now in jail and a mom who remarried someone else; that he has brothers and sister; that his brother had the same name as I have. He told me how much he loves his mom; how smart his mom was even if she never went to college; how he's fortunate to graduate from school; and how he's struggling to make something out of his life. He told me his dreams, his plans for the future; and how he might go back to Texas - because he needs to; because his family needs him there.

I found myself listening intently to every word he was saying. The food was merely secondary that night. I was amazed by this younger guy in front of me. I was impressed by his passion for what he wanted to do; what he's doing to get there. Before me was a guy who reminded me so much of myself when I was younger - underprivileged, driven, optimistic. In between forkfuls of whatever it was that he was eating - I think it was some chicken dish - I saw a different side of him. It's amazing what you get to know about people when you're not thinking about sex.

My fear of suffering through an awkward dinner was unfounded. The guy loved talking. And, for some reason, he had a captive audience. There were times I felt stupid and superficial. I blamed old age for my reactions - I have actually mellowed down relative to who I was several years back. My passion for life has somehow diminished and my life has been reduced to routine. It was sad. Really sad. But, I had a feeling that this guy was good for me. And I, I can teach him things, too.


to be continued...

The Mexican

I watched him grind on top of the club's stage. He was as awkward as a white boy. But, he seemed to be having fun. He looked at me, smiled and extended his hand. He wanted to me to join him on stage. I took a deep breath and lifted myself up. Why did I have to wear my skinniest jeans that night? Why?

***

It was a hook up gone rogue. We had just finished a long fuck session. We made out for almost an hour before we even got to the main event. It was hot. Intense. Yet there was something intimate about it. Maybe because we kissed. A lot. I often found my hands intertwined with his. On my bed was a kid. Yes, he was still a kid. Legal, of course. He's twenty two.

I remember when I was twenty two. I had the energy of well, a twenty two year old. But those days are long gone. I have been in my threes for a couple of years now - and well, things have changed. Gone were days of the endless partying, binge drinking and constant sex. Ok fine, sex remained constant. But, I am feeling age more and more. I am a dinosaur.

We laid in bed. I was tired and was looking forward to him getting dressed, leaving and, for me, a good night's sleep. But, I was wrong. It was gonna be a long night.

"Do you have plans after this?", he asked.

I checked my phone. It was almost midnight. Who the hell makes plans after midnight? I just had sex for crying out loud.

"Nothing.", I replied.

He seemed disappointed.

"Do you wanna go out?", he asked.

That was a first. Who in their proper mind would ask someone to hang out after sex? It's supposed to be the other way round. You hang out then fuck. That's just the way of the world. Apparently, he's different.

"I wanna go out. Do you wanna club?", he asked again.

I don't exactly remember how or why I even said yes. Maybe I had fun kissing him. Or maybe it has been way too long ago since I last danced. Or maybe I just wanted to hang out.

"Sure, we need to shower if we're going out.", I finally said.

And we did. He borrowed my skinny Asian shirt. I felt obligated to lend him a shirt. No boy I'm with should look lousy.  He was wearing an "I'm just here to fuck" shirt. If I were to be seen with an extremely young kid, he better look good. I can't be perceived as a cheap cougar.

Before we stepped out of the house, I just had one question.

"What's your name again?"

***

So we danced. For three straight hours which was after two hours of sex. Five hours of cardio. No wonder, I lost two pounds. We drank. Partied. Danced. Mingled. It was the most fun I have had in a very long time. As I watched him dance beside me, I felt energized. He danced nonstop. And I, I seriously tried to keep up. I am a fossil.

As we walked back to my apartment, we talked about stuff. Stuff that made me see him as a different person. If I had met this kid when I was younger, even five years ago, it would have been perfect. He danced. He's charming. He had this way about him that I found cute - like how he insisted on using a seatbelt in the cab even if we were only cabbing ten short blocks, how he handed the bar back some used glasses, how he tried to look sexy… and how he said he felt sexy after his second drink. Haha.

After a quick change, we walked back to his car and said our goodbyes. He said he really had fun. I did too, but I was way too tired to think about it. I just wanted to go to sleep. After I showed him where to go, he drove off. It was then when I realized, my new Mexican boy brought out something in me again. Youth.

***

The following day, I texted my new Mexican.

"Hey, I had fun last night. Do you wanna hang out again, maybe dinner, drinks?", I asked.

I almost never ask guys out. But, I had to make an exception.

"Yeah, it was awesome... See you on Friday."

Friday is tonight. And yes, I'm having Mexican with the Mexican.

Encore (Part 2)

We talked about meeting up again. He wanted to see me that night. 

"Should we?", he asked.

I was still assessing the situation. If I meet him up, would that mean that things were back to the way they were before this mess? Are we sort of back in the gray? 

"Maybe when you get back from vacation?", I replied. 

"It's up to you.", he typed back.

I asked myself one last time if I wanted to meet up. I did.

"Come over, it's getting late."

***

That night, we kissed again. I remember that I deliberately stopped kissing him after I started feeling things I should not be feeling for neighbors. Kissing for me is very intimate - more intimate than a blow job or getting fucked. 

"Are you okay?", I stopped what I was doing. 

His hard on was not that hard. He was never without a hard on. He was dependable that way. Something was off. For the first time that night, I stared into the gaybor's eyes. He had that look in his face. He was scared. 

"Are you nervous?", I asked it differently.

He gently nodded. I planted a kiss on his cheek, looked into his eyes and softly whispered:

"It's okay, you're with me."

It must have worked. I felt him relax a little. Then I felt him relax a lot. He was back. 

***

We rolled in bed for a good hour. It was hot intense animal sex. Clearly, he missed me. And yes, I missed him too. He came in a glorious fashion. Deep inside me. It had been a while since the last time. It felt good. We were both almost breathless when we finished. He laid in bed while I stood up to clean myself. When I came back, the gaybor was still in bed. I was bewildered by what was happening. He would never stay in bed. He has never stayed on my bed after sex. He's one to simply get dressed and walk out the door moments after any encounter.

"Scoot over…", I told him as I made space for me on my bed.

I could still hear him breathing heavily. I laid beside him. This was foreign to me. I had never been here before. I was out of my element. And the surprises kept on coming. I felt his arms around me. His hands gently carresing my skin. I have lost count of how many soft kisses he had planted on my cheeks. What the fuck? And the biggest surprise of the night: he was a cuddler. I almost died.

***

I still don't know what that night meant for both of us. Maybe it was just a one-night stand with some guy I used to fuck. Or maybe not. Maybe it was special. Or maybe not. All I know is, at the rate we're going, there's gonna be a lot more surprises in the coming days.

Encore

"Hi Tristan…", it was the gaybor. 

I haven't heard from him since he got his keys and returned my stuff. It has been almost two months. I didn't know how to react. I was actually thinking about him earlier. I was checking my calendar and I saw an entry I made several weeks ago: "Call gaybor for brunch". I had planned on calling him up after two months. I figured that after two months, I'd be over whatever it was that I went through with him. Two months was one week away.

"Hey.", was all that made sense to say. 

"How's it going?" 

"I'm doing OK. How are you?", I forced myself to ask. 

"Good, really busy… lots of travel." 

"You're always busy!", I replied.

And then he went on chatting. We talked about stuff: the Asian who killed himself; vacation plans; and other stuff that really meant nothing. It was all a show.

"Thanks for replying…", he typed in.

There it was. He wanted to talk about what happened.

"I haven't really apologized for last time…", I finally said.

I wanted to explain why I ended things quite abruptly. Why I chose to stay away. Why I stayed away for weeks.

"No need. It's fine. We are cool." 

"I think I saw you a few times. Once, you even rolled your eyes at me.", I told him. 

"I would not do that."

I began to doubt myself. Was I just hallucinating when I saw him walking towards me that day? I decided to brush it off. Maybe I was.

"Are you pissed at me?", he asked. 

"I was… but it was a whole lot of other things too. I knew I needed time away from you. I needed someone to blame." 

"I'm very sorry. I did not want to be trouble.", he replied.

I caught myself smiling.

"But thanks for the space… I really needed it.", I continued.

I told him that I had planned on calling him in a couple of weeks to ask him out to brunch. But, I found myself speechless by what he said next.

"I've missed you."

I was in shock. The gaybor was never one to bare his feelings. And because he said it first, I had nothing else to say but:

"I missed you too."

to be continued...