Going Straight

It's 2009 and this year I resolve to  be straight. 

No more hunky boys in the locker room. Goodbye steam action. Farewell sauna fun. No more meet ups with unappreciated boys. Goodbye boyfriends. Farewell boy crushes. This year I will be straight. 

But then again, where's the fun in that?

It's 2009 and this year I resolve to be straight... to the point. Perfect!

Happy New Year everyone! 

A Toast to Happiness

Dear Tristan,

Congratulations on making it through 2008. As you usual, you have made the things that you do seem effortless. Your determination to succeed has once again managed to bear fruit. You have made it this far and I am so damn proud of you.

Yes, you have been hurt in 08 but you have also championed this year. There are many things to be grateful for and you seem to know this well by now. You have learned the things that have made you a better person for the years to come. More importantly, you had fun this year!

In 2009, I wish you happiness beyond material things. I pray that you find the best person there is for you. I also hope to see you slimmer and better next year. Make them all drool Tristan. I know you can do it. Hunky Thirty, remember? 

As you bid goodbye to 2008 in the next 30 minutes, I wish you wisdom to recognize happiness. You are a good person and you deserve to be happy. 

Cheers to a better 2009.

Tristan

 

Bargain Shopping

Earlier today, my friend and I agreed to roam around the mall to look for perfect fireworks for the New Year. We found something else - something close to an explosion (only better). There it was... a T-shirt sale at 70% off! A sucker for cheap finds, I found myself dragging my friend inside the store. I started to check out the goods. Nothing interested me... or so I thought. I noticed my friend hastily trying on ridiculously discounted shirts. I sighed. 

"Too bad Tristan - small sizes", I said to myself. 

I stepped outside the outlet and wandered in the nearby stores. Finding nothing interesting to buy, yet again, I decided to go back to the shirt store for one final check. There I finally noticed you. 

You were trying on a nice looking black shirt with gold print. I brushed you aside. 

"Ugh, why are the sales staff trying shirts on?", I asked myself.

I took a second look. In all fairness, the shirt looked good on you. You took the shirt off. I was shocked. Your undershirt also came off with the black shirt you tried on. I saw chest hairs and a nice built underneath. I smiled.

"Flirting time Tristan...", I said to myself.

I was smiling as I approached you. You grinned back.

"This is it.", I said to myself.

"What size is that?", I asked you.

"Lame Tristan... that was just so lame...", I reprimanded myself.

"Extra small...", you replied. 

"Seriously?", I asked again.

"Sir, try this one... ", you said as you handed to me a shirt.

I looked at the label and saw "XL". My eyebrows rose. 

"Excuse me, small please.", I confidently asked.

You snickered.

"Gago to ah... small nga lang eh...", I asked. 

You obliged and handed over a small shirt. I tried it on.

"Perfect.", I exclaimed.

You smiled as you scratched your head. I laughed.

"See??? Small lang." I proudly announced. 

I breathed a sigh of relief. 

"Oh my gawd friend, small ka na lang???", it was my friend sounding all so puzzled. 

I laughed. Amidst the commotion, I managed to check out your perfect set of teeth. I also noticed how your gray briefs peeked out of your low waist pants. I admired the bulge on your pants. I melted as I gazed into your eyes. 

"Where are you from?", I immediately asked. 

"Fairview sir...", you responded with a naughty smile.

"Layo naman... ", I commented.

"Eh ano number mo?", it was my friend.

Doink. 

"Dahan-dahan nga lang dapat eh...", I wanted to throw a punch at my friend.

I tried to disguise the awkwardness by laughing. I saw you look at me then I heard you say...

"0-9-1-5..."

"Oh my gawd...", I giggled.

"Paolo...", you continued.

I asked my friend to take note of the number. I did not want to make it appear that I was picking up someone at a discount store. Well, I really was but not that blatantly. We finally paid for the goods and said our goodbyes. I can still remember how you looked as we left. 

"Flirting is sooo fun.", I said to myself.

"Gago ka kasi, sinira mo ang moment..." I told my friend.

"Nakuha naman natin ang number ah? That's for you.. he's not my type", he explained.

My friend was right. What really matters is the bottomline. I took out my phone and sent a message to Paolo who was then probably wondering what had just happened.

"Hi, Tristan here. The guy in black earlier. Thanks for assisting us. When are you free?"

I did not expect a response. 

"Ako din, ako din..." my friend said as he texted Paolo too.

"Darn..." I mumbled.

"Let's see kung kanino magrereply...", he suggested.

"Ah, a challenge...", I exclaimed.

"Let's see..", I continued.

To cut to the chase, I won. Laughter.

*************

Today, I was able to buy a nice SMALL shirt for a fraction of its original cost. With it came, a number and a reply from (and a possible meet up with) a gorgeous guy which is good enough proof that there's still hope.

....and that my dear readers is what I call a bargain.

Change is Good

This year I started to change. 

I have actually transformed back to my 2001 self in roughly ten months. Yes Eva, I have lost all the weight I have gained in the last seven years in just ten short months. Now the more difficult part begins, I will need to keep this off and then lose some. All towards the "Hunky Thirty" campaign that I started in 08. 

I have managed to fall in and out of love. I never knew I would be capable of falling yet again but I did. Unfortunately, and by default, it did not work out. I have learned some lessons (still learning) though. Now that's what I call looking at the glass half full. Yeah right.

I have completed school - well, uhmm close. Just the final paper which I would need to complete in the next two weeks then I am done. I am just so damn lazy to sit down and start writing the final sections. I seriously need a push.

I have made new friends from this place and everywhere. What more friends??? 

My outlook of life has shifted from me to the more important people in my life. I guess life is really meant to be enjoyed and not overanalyzed. 

This year has been good. 

Finally, Christmas

Christmas shopping, check! Holiday leave, check! Wallet filled, check! Forgiving disposition, check! Christmas mood, check! Party schedule, check! 

I guess I am all set for Christmas this year. I just hope everything goes well and nothing totally unexpected happens. Who cares if I am single this year? I am having a blast!

Who says Christmas is just for kids?

Merry Christmas everyone!

Giggles.

Thank You

I told you the things I needed to tell you

You told me that you've been expecting it

Deep inside I felt relieved

You told me you were almost there

I told you I never got there

Deep inside I was finally honest with myself

I asked if you're fine with what I said

You told me you were fine with it

Deep inside I am really fine

You told me it may not work anyway

I told you I felt the same way

Deep inside I seriously believed in what I said

You told me that we're still good

I told you we're still good

Deep inside I have already let you go

Enough

I have had enough of complications. I am done with love and all those mushy stuff. I am tired of hoping. I am finished with hurting. I am tired of trying. I refuse to fall again. I do not want to get hurt anymore. I am exhausted.

Things were simple then. I meet up, hook up and then move forward. I never really cared. I did not even bother to get to know them well. Names were optional. It was fun and easy. No regrets. No strings. No complications. Until I stumbled and fell. I hate myself for allowing that to happen.

Between puffs of cigarettes and cups of coffee, I rediscovered myself again.

Now I know myself better.

I am Tristan - a flirt who refuses to fall again.

As Promised

Yours were the eyes I would have loved to wake up to. You own the lips I would have loved to kiss ever so passionately. You had the smile that very few people would be able to resist. You were the lover I never had.

As I gaze into another starless night, I think about the things that had happened between us. It pains me to think that a "we" might never be. You have made it clear. I just refused to listen. I am stubborn.

I wish I could be a different person so I could finally be with you. I pray for a miracle so that tomorrow when I wake up, you would once again see me the way you did. How I wish I could hold your hands to let you feel how I feel for you. I pray that one day would you realize what we have both lost. I still want to be happy with you.

I realized something tonight thanks to you.

I just wish you would too.

One More Try

I

My final appeal

I'll show you the real me

Unfortunately...

II

Walls will be broken

I am giving you one more

This I promise you

III

I gave it a shot

Let me now give it a try

Realizations

Think Differently

The two things I love in one cool episode. Enjoy.


Simpsons Make Fun of Apple & Steve Jobs - The funniest movie is here. Find it

Oops...

"You've been so cold lately...", you texted me.

"Things have been quite confusing. I guess we need to talk about it one of these days.", I replied back.

"Alright. I thought so.", you responded.

"Let's talk soon.", I requested.

I felt a cold rush of guilt flow through my veins. My happiness level dropped.

"You've clearly defined what you are capable and not capable of.", it was you again.

"I'm still trying to figure it out.", I assured you.

"You just made it clear.", you replied.

I am just a mess these days. I am sorry.