Day 13: Speechless

"Habang tumatagal, lalong tumatagal ah...", I told you.

Behind that seemingly innocent comment, I was trying to hide what was really going on. You knew that of course and throughout the course of our conversation, you decided to answer some of my puzzling questions. Realizing that you were then ready to give me the answers that I needed, I asked away. 

"Thank you for that mind-boggling question...", you said as if trying to mimic my dream interview.

I laughed. You then started telling me the bits and pieces of your life that only you know; the real story, the real score, what you felt, why you did it. I felt I was invading your mind and so I found it prudent to ask only the questions that I knew you were ready for. 

"Okay... may tanong ka pa?"

I hesitated for a moment.

"Last two questions... for tonight.", you said.

I took a deep breath, gathered all my courage and fired away. 

"Mahal mo na ba ko?", I asked. 

You were a bit stunned. You took a deep breath and replied with full conviction.

"Oo Tristan, mahal kita."

I fell off the bed. I was speechless. My knees were numb. I felt weak. My arm barely held the phone I had in hand. I was breathing heavily.

"Uy uy teka... hindi ako makacomment. I need a few seconds..."

You laughed. I was still silent. I was trying to digest what you had just said. I was taking it all in as if enjoying the way those words echoed in my head. I was still in panic. Finally, I was able to say something.

"I need a few seconds more..."

I was giggling. You were just patiently waiting for my response. My head was spinning. 

"Alam mo yung feeling ko, kinikilig ako... parang tini-twist yung tummy ko...", I said as I tried to explain my lack of grace under pressure.

You laughed.

"Ako din...", I finally replied with conviction.

"Parang napipilitan ka lang ata eh..."

"Oi hindi ah...", I was telling the truth.

"So ano next question mo?", you asked.

For the third time, I was speechless.

"Wala na."

"Sigurado ka?" you asked as if trying to coerce me into asking the question that you would later ask.

"Sinagot mo na lahat ng gusto kong malaman..."

So there I was, lying on my bed in a small, dark, and cold room, butterflies in my tummy, and  asking the heavens what I did right to deserve all of this - to deserve you. The feeling is really beyond words.

"So tayo na ba?", you finally asked.

I was, once again, speechless.