Day 6: Ironic

"Sa abroad ba yan?", you asked.

Hesitantly, I said yes.

"Akala ko kasi sa Manila lang..."

I frowned. I wondered what made you even think that I was planning to go abroad. I was not ready to tell you - at least not yet. I would have wanted to keep it a secret until the time I would have the courage to face the possibility of moving. Right now, I felt I was not yet ready so I kept mum. I was not ready to let you go.

"Pag natanggap ka, kailan ka aalis?"

I felt my heart stop. I was silent for a moment.

"Ingat ka dun... pakabait ka..."

I can feel your pain and no amount of words could ever make it go away, at least for now. I wanted to tell you how I have been thinking about this since we met. I have told you before that when it comes to relationships, I look further ahead. Before I start anything with anyone, I make sure that I can run the whole course. My life is still on hold, until further notice, so there's really no point in thinking about it just yet.

"Wag na muna kasi natin pag-usapan yan...", I suggested.

But you wanted to know for you to plan ahead.

"Iiwan mo din pala ako..."

I was speechless. I can feel my eyes well up. I had to stop myself.

"If you only know how I feel...", I whispered.

"I think fate is playing with me again. Why does it seem that I cannot really have it all?", I replied.

You nodded in agreement.

"Ganun ata talaga... ikaw ata karma ko."

I tried to salvage the night by shifting the mood but it can never be done. 

"Ang swerte mo naman kung ako ang karma mo...", I retorted.

Behind the laughter, I can feel pain. 

"Masaya ako para sa yo..."

"Ako, masaya ako na nandyan ka..."

If I can only hug you right now, I would.