Defining Tristan

I have a confession to make - I am most definitely human. 

In the last few days, I tried to separate my alter ego's life from what the real me was going through. I am done with this. As things stand now, I am accepting defeat. I have indeed fallen and am still broken. This blogger is still under repair.

I wrote under a different pseudonym and created a new blog where I can write what I really felt about the whole situation. The birth of my new home was also the day my alter ego developed his own alter ego. I find it funny that I resorted to this since Tristan was born to be my alter ego and Tristan Tales was created to be his playground. 

As Tristan, I tried to hide the fact that I have been very hurt by what happened with Bad Boy. I posted blogs that highlighted my whore-like behavior, if only to make myself (and others along the way) believe that I am not in pain. I tried to convince myself that I am doing just fine without him. In reality, I am not. I am still as broken as the day I lost the only guy, in years, who has been able to break down my defenses. It has been a daily struggle to pretend to be strong, unaffected and less pathetic. I found myself hiding behind my alter ego for self-preservation but I am now tired of hiding. 

In as much as I was not ashamed to proclaim that I have fallen, I realized that I should also not be embarrassed to show pain - often the natural consequence of man's decision to fall in love. I am a grown boy now and this is not first time my heart is broken. By now, I think I should know better than to hide behind false pretenses. I am already too old to play this game.

Tonight, as I slip into bed, I will whisper the same prayer I have prayed since Bad Boy left. And maybe, just maybe, tomorrow my prayers will be finally answered.

Blogger's Note: Today is the 10th day since we last spoke.