In Pursuit of Happiness

I psyched myself. I was going to have fun, no matter what. 

"It's been a long time since, Tristan...", I told myself as I was getting ready.

Armed with a pack of Dunhill, a couple of condoms (just in case), my invisible wallet and a toothy smile, I took the cab to the place where happiness abound and insecurities thrive. 

The usual beat greeted me as I entered its gated halls. I excused myself from my friends to check out the scene on the second floor before I started dancing. As usual snotty gays were everywhere. Everybody looked alien. In fact, many of them indeed looked like an alien. I scanned the dance floor for a familiar face. It was an interesting mix but the whole scene made me feel a little empty.

"So is this what you expected?", I asked myself.

I took a deep breath. I pulled out my stash and lit myself a stick. I later found myself by the stairs when I heard a familiar voice...

"All the single ladies.... all the single ladies..."

My heart skipped. It was my song. 

"Now put your hands up!"

And I did. I found my body swaying along. I closed my eyes and hummed.

"Uh oh oh, oh oh oh oh..."

I slowly made my way to the ledge. I wanted to let it all go. My world was spinning. I am becoming happier, by the second. But then, I stopped myself. I held back and decided not step on stage.

"No, not yet...", I whispered.

The ledge was already filled with dancers of all shapes and sizes. It was after all alien night in Bed. Green laser lights hit the strange creatures on stage. Smoke filled the room. 

"This is it Tristan... party..."

I tried to dance along. I took in the scene. I looked around for someone I could flirt with. I found one. I stepped onstage and danced by the magical hipon. He had his shirt off. His muscles were to die for. 

"I know someone who looks better than him...", I mumbled.

I found him shorter than I was. His ripped body was not able to compensate for his lack of stature. I could not take it, at least for my purposes. He was a giant hipon for crying out loud. 

"Pangamot..."

I stepped off the stage and got myself a light beer. I scanned once more. No one seemed interesting. I was definitely uninterested. I lit another cigarette. Someone passed in front of me. He smiled.

"Alien."

And then another one.

"Alien."

And another.

"Alien."

"Damn Tristan, what is going on? Choosy ka pa?", I asked myself once more.

I went back on stage. 

"Tonight, I'm going to have fun, no matter what...", I recited my mantra.

And I did. I tried. I was perspiring on stage as I gyrated to the hypnotic beats of Bed. Confetti filled the Bed skyline. Laser lights hit our faces. Smoke filled the room. I was already intoxicated.

"Ahh Tristan, this is the life...", I thought as I danced by the ledge.

And then I stopped. The sound from the speakers were not enough to drown the loneliness that had been plaguing me. 

"Stop it Tristan... dance!", I ordered.

So I did. For one more time, I partied like there was no tomorrow albeit half-heartedly. I kept on seeing someone on the faces of hunky guys who were as tall as him. My head cannot control my heart.

"Damn you. Please stay out of my head...", I begged.

I gyrated for the last time. Flirted a little. Smiled a lot.

"You're almost there Tristan."

And then the night was over but the music lingered and smoke still filled the room. The place became less crowded - some left happier while some stayed single, for another night. 

Last night, I was almost happy. Last night, I almost reached that place. 

P.S. I went back to the club scene last night with a few blogger friends. It was the first time, in three months, since I stepped within the hallowed halls of Bed. To everyone I was with, thank you for helping me get to that happy place. Oh and for sharing!