The Cut

"Hey (insert my real name), Benjo here..."

I was confused. Why is my former staff texting me? I mean I had a crush on him years before but why is he texting me? I was in shock.

"Hello...", I texted back.

"San ka now?"

"At home?", I replied.

"Punta ko jan...", you texted back.

I panicked. I had to make that call. 

"O, you don't remember me?", you asked immediately.

I laughed as I recognized your voice. You were my half-Filipino, half-Hispanic human hobby from long ago. 

"Sorry, kasi kala ko ikaw yung staff ko sa office...", I explained.

"Ako to... remember?"

"Aba malay kong Benjo pala name mo?", I clarified.

And just like that, I was reminded that you wanted dated me then; back when things were more simple and I, I was not ready to date. Since you worked just across my building, you would often request to see me for lunch. I would often beg off. You would then just ask to see me when I smoke after lunch and we'd talk for a while. You were already fine with that arrangement and I felt like shit for doing that to you. You would often text me to check on how I was doing. I rarely replied. I was just disinterested.

"I've known you for more than a year now Tristan...", you said.

I smiled.

"Ikaw kasi, ayaw mo sa kin eh...", you continued.

"I never said that?", I replied.

"But you made it feel that way..."

"Oh I did? Sorry. I was not yet ready then."

"So you're ready now?"

His face lit up.

"Hindi pa din eh... paalis na din ako, I don't wanna start something that I can't follow through..."

"Oh okay... sayang naman", you replied.

"Don't worry, it's my loss. Okay ka naman eh..."

"I would have wanted to be your boyfriend."

"We're better off as friends."

And this time, I meant everything I said. He was just too weak for me and I needed someone who can tame me. He just did not make the cut.

"It will not work Benjo...", I whispered as he hugged me for the last time.

"Can we at least have dinner before you leave?", you asked.

"Sure... dinner would be fine... "