Bitterness Works

Practically everyone I know has hang ups - some with the way that they look, others with other people (especially if they're the ones left behind in a relationship for example), and a handful have hang ups on themselves, in general. More recently, I have noticed that I have been thinking of things (and people) that I have hang ups with, quite regularly. It seems that I have been spending so much time and resources getting pass them. But everything's good. Bitterness works. Trust me, this is based on years of experience and several failed relationships. I suggest you give it a try too.

For starters, let yourself suffer to the point of being bitter about everything and everyone. Negativity is always the best way to start one's gym routine. The more negative you are, the heavier weights you can carry. The more bitter one is, the faster, harder and longer they one runs on the thread mill. This not only helps one get through painful hours in the gym but also improves one's self-esteem when looking in the mirror and buying new clothes. So I say to you, be bitter and reap the rewards.

And speaking of bitterness (or anything bland for that matter), go and starve yourself to death. Well, not exactly death - that would be way to morbid - only to the point of losing weight. Enough weight, again, to feel good about oneself. So go ahead, crash diet. Go on a water diet, a cookie diet or what have you. Just please, don't commit carbicide (read: the act of committing suicide by eating lots of carbs, thanks Bruno!) else all the effort that one has put into being bitter will all just go to waste.

Go on a trip. They say that to effectively forget someone, it is good to take a break and leave the city. I personally prefer going to the beach. There, I guarantee you that not only will you forget someone, you can actually get laid while being bitter (and hungry). How so? Well, with the many nice looking guys (okay, and gals) on the beach, one is surely going to be so envious of how they look. So one can still be bitter and hungry while on travel. It also depletes one's hard earned cash in an instant, faster than it takes to finish singing "I Will Survive" Trust me, it works.

Buy something expensive, what the heck, buy things that you don't really need. Buy a car, a house, a new cellphone. Buy whatever works for you. Buy things that can make you very superficially happy. In addition, shopping is a very effective way to exercise. What more can you ask for? Remember, the more bitter you are, the more you buy and the more you buy, the more poor you get. The poorer you are, the lesser you will eat and this, consequently, will make you feel (and look) good in the process. Have I mentioned that carrying shopping bags is also a good alternative to lifting weights?

Have sex with anyone and everyone you meet. It is great exercise and you can easily feel good about yourself since so many people desire to bed you. And speaking of bed, go to BED and dance. Party like crazy, drink like a camel and get drunk on the dance floor. Just make sure you have good friends who will make you realize that you're already making a fool of yourself while having breakfast at Silya. I guarantee that not only will you be happy, you will get laid. Well, that is if you're still sane enough to recognize a quick pick up line.

And finally, fall in love all over again and make sure things don't work out. Lintik lang ang walang ganti kaya gumanti ka sa iba. Maturity is overrated. Be emotionally unstable. Feel empty. Be as bitter as possible about your failed attempts at love, your not-so-fabulous life and your pathetic attempt at holding on to things (and people) that make you lose your sanity every single day.

Remember, bitterness leads to a better looking you.