Regrets, I Have a Few

Someone asked me if I had regrets and it got me thinking. Much like Uncle Frank, I have my fair share. No, I do not regret the fact that I followed the advice of a friend, went online, and blogged. Here, I have met so many of you. Some became dear friends. A few, I loved. And that's where some of my regret share landed.

I do regret not having prepared well to fall. All I had then was the desire (after much prodding) to write sex stories, period. At that time, I was heartless. I was a whore (and still am, whore-light). But fall I did and as if I was not yet dumb enough, I fell again. What I am trying to say is, what if I had already accepted the possibility of falling online before I started blogging? Would life have been much easier for me, for everyone? Would it have worked?

Looking back, I also feel that I should have been the better man. Well, I AM the better man but I should have been a better better man. Things happened and I have written my fair share of bitter posts. Heaven knows that I really tried to deal with these things on my own, at least for a while, but it was generally easier for me to let go of the pain by writing these things down. Maybe I should have just written things down and not publish them then, it might have been... uhmm better. But where's the fun in that? Seriously, I was not really aware that writing things in my blog (or in somebody else's blog) would cause such trouble and that I (and/or somebody else) would be so infamous (or famous?) in the process. If I had kept mum, would things have turned out differently?

At certain points, I feel that I should have stood my ground on a few things. I knew my limits and what I really wanted but why did I allow myself to compromise? Why did I bestow upon myself doormat-dom? Why did I let myself be treated like a spare tire? An emotional punching bag? The last resort? Why did I let others treat me as if I was not good enough when, in fact, I was (and still am) good enough. And yes, I was (and still am) the better option. There's nobody else like me. What if I loved myself more, would I have felt more loved? If I had used my head more than my heart, would things have been better?

I guess, at this point, I have already learned from my mistakes - I am back to writing with a purpose; I am ready to fall again; I am a better better man; and finally, I have resolved to love myself a little bit more.

If only to find happiness all over again, I am willing to start over.

Hi, my name is Tristan... Tristan Talande.