Change is Here

I am taking my life back.

It has been some time ago since I lost it and I am ready to get it back, seriously. As I was lunching by myself for the nth time since I moved here, I felt a little sad. Never have I felt so alone in my entire life. Ugh. Over my six-inch sub and iced tea, I resolved to change this. I refuse to be this person any longer.

Contrary to what many may think, the move here has not been very easy. I thought it would but, I found out, too late, that it was not. There's a different world out here and I have had enough of what I have been through the last two months. I am ready to change the norm. I refuse to be eaten alive by the "me, myself and I" culture in this god-forsaken place. I am a social butterfly and I have had it with life in a cocoon.

I will begin by smiling more; laughing often and initiating small talks, with the hope of gaining new friends. I will ask people out to lunches, dinners and coffee. I will stop visiting social networking sites and living dot com. My dot com persona will only be just a small part of who I am and nobody who reads me will be able to fully get to know who the real Tristan has become. I will go clubbing again - oh God help me to survive the first hour by myself. I will dance like there's no tomorrow and get reasonably drunk, for old time's sake.

I will love again but, this time, I will not look for love in the wrong places. I will choose someone good - someone who is worthy. I will prioritize those ball-sy few who will choose me over everyone else. I will open myself up to all possibilities - race, religion, and even sexual preference. I will force myself to let go, even if it means I have to be hostile. It is for my well-being, for my happiness. I will be selfish once more. Gone are the days when I am just the alternative. I will be the only choice for him (or her, OMFG!) who is also looking for something more real; something beyond sex and lovely conversations. There will be magic.

I will fulfill my personal goal to finally go international and expand my checklist. I will buy a map and push pins to mark my conquests. I will fool around more and not be afraid of what people have to say. I am old enough to live my life according to what I want. I will stop living for others. I have gone this far and I am not turning back. I will take my life back, starting today.

And finally, I will believe everything I said, at all cost. And maybe, just maybe, I would not have to eat another lunch alone.