Isang Taon ni Tristan Tan (2)

I have a few minutes to spare in between rounds so let me continue my anniversary post. Tulog na eh. LOL. Don't worry, what happened tonight would be shared (ala sharing in the city) in the coming days na lang - tatapusin ko muna ang post na to ha?

So where was I? Oh, tapos na ang sex evaluation. I read the post again kanina over coffee and natawa ako. Ibang iba sya sa normal posts ko. Pagpasensyahan nyo na lang - mataas kasi ang sugar intake ko kanina kaya medyo hyper pati writing style. I have mellowed down a little after *giggles*. Yun na. Importante din naman kasi na medyo magmoment ng konti dahil this part will talk about the state of my affairs the last year. Love life naman. Ready?

Panalong panalo ang mga winning and losing moments ko last year. Nandoon na napakanta ako ng "may sekreto akong, aaminin sa yo..." na nagtapos sa "muntik na kitang minahal... kung hindi lang sana nagkwento ka ng sexcapades mo sa gym.". May ganun, promise. Napakanta din ako ng, "akin ka na lang (akin ka na lang) iingatan ko ang puso mo... akin ka na lang...". Winner, I swear. Both times, ang ending eh "at first I was afraid, I was petrified!" with matching liftings pa ni Ate V. So the bottomline (bottom-line???) is single ako - single pa din ako.

Teka teka, napapaluhod na naman ako at malapit ko nang gayahin si Ronan na magdasal everyday ng "Lord, give me a lover!". Pero hindi ko pa kayang gawin yun, busy pa talaga ako. Ang kailangan ko lang eh simpleng dasal katulad ng "Lord, give me a driver, a gardener, an officer (and a gentleman), a waiter, a construction worker, a varsity player, and other -ers na what have you." Anything or anyone else pero wag muna lover. Hindi ko pa kaya. Busy pa talaga ako. May agreement naman kasi kami ng langit na pag na-grant na nya ang prayers ko, magdadasal pa din naman ako. Ang siste, "Bless us oh Lord for these thy gifts which we are about to receive..." ang dasal. Prayerful po talaga ko.

But seriously speaking, madami pa talaga akong priorities in life these days - there are so many things that I still need to take care of to make me superficially happy, i.e. cars, clothes, shoes, bags, travel, and the likes. So saka ko na iisipin ang intangible level of happiness brought about by love. Love is all around us naman daw sabi nila so hindi yan mauubos. Practical na lang muna, why should I even bother with things that can only make me sad, eventually? Besides, looking back nakakapagod din kasi ang may ka-moment ka every single night - yun bang maymagtatanong ng, "kumain ka na?". Utang na loob - ang tao pag gutom, kumakain. Pag hindi gutom, hindi kumakain. Hindi kailangan tanungin. Hindi din cute ang tanong na "ano gawa mo now?". Naman. Shempre, don't get me started with "aylabyu" and "aymisyu" and "aywannahabyorbeybies". Teka, bitter yata ang tunog ko. Do I sound bitter? Of course, I am. Bitter is the new happy.

But please lang po, don't get me wrong, happy naman ako noong lumalandi ako last year. The times that I spent with both of them - itago na lang natin sa pangalan na Joaqui and Jay Vee... (ay parehong J?) were the real romantic highlights of my year. In fairness naman sa kanila. May mga konting sumingit in between, bloggers and non-bloggers alike, pero konting kilig lang sila. Hindi talaga ako tinamaan ng todo, sorry po, sorry po. Masarap pa din kayo, don't worry. Everybody was a different ride. Pang-EK nga lang ang level nung dalawa. Yung iba naman pamperya lang. LOL. But just like all rides, everything had to end. Natapos ang saya, pinalitan ng drama.

Kung tatanungin ako kung may regrets ako sa kanila, ang showbiz answer eh wala. Kasi di ba, "I would not be who I am now if they did not come into my life." Naks! Pero dahil nagpapakatotoo lang ako, may konting pagsisisi talaga. Your honor, I plead temporary insanity. Pero beyond insanity, I was largely guilty of drama. Madrama lang po ako, madrama din sila so there you go. What complicated our lives pa, I guess, is the fact na showbiz ako. Showbiz ako, given na yun. Take it or leave it na lang. Ayun tuloy, leave it ang nangyari.

Normally, a-ultimate failed relationship with a blogger can lead to nasty blog posts or emo emohan mode forever. May mga tao pa nga na ang drama eh magleave o kaya magstart over ng magstart over. Meron naman ang drama eh magsulat ng cryptic posts talking about inanimate objects just to hide the fact that one is hurting or is unsure of something. Guilty ako dyan. I remember writing in dream-format, yun siguro. Parang Joseph the dreamer lang ang drama ko nun buti nga hindi ako nabuntis - immaculate conception? Meron naman na pati kitchen appliances, pinagdidiskitahan. Hindi ako yun, promise. Meron din kinakausap ang iba't ibang personality nila. Katakot. Ako change lang ng change ang nasa script ko. Tama na yun, change is good nga daw, sabi nila.

So to summarize, simple lang ang lesson learned ko on online romance:

"Bawal mainlove sa blogger".

Masakit sa ulo, magtiwala ka. Magastos din. Wag na natin pag-usapan ang BRP - Bora Recovery Package - phase ko sa dalawang yun. Magastos talaga mag-move on, mind you. Ayoko na maalala. Tama na.

O sya, hanggang dito na muna, nahihilo na ko. Abangan nyo na lang ang susunod na kwento dahil hindi pa tapos ang baklang post na ito. I am just warming up. Yun na.