Living Carrie

Every night at ten, I would often find myself watching reruns of Sex and the City on TV. This actually keeps me very well entertained before bed. Yes, my life is pretty plain now. Ugh. Anyway, the other day, they showed the episode where Big and Carrie split up for the nth time - I think this was the big split and there were very few words spoken. It was just Carrie, talking in her head, yet again.

As I was watching the last few minutes of the episode, I suddenly recognized the scene. I was able to relate to what she was going through - and that was when I realized that I was watching my life on screen as Carrie. For the longest time, I have always lived a Samantha life but, really, a large part of me is a Carrie after all- a crazy person who still believes in happy endings. As Carrie was saying her lines, I can't help but wonder, am I really a Carrie and he, oh good Lord, is my Mr. Big?

Carrie's lines almost killed me. I found myself gasping for air by the end of the show.

"Did I ever really love Big or was I addicted to the pain - the exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable?"

"I wanted to go to him but I felt like I was tied to the chair. Some part of me was holding me back knowing I have gone too far, reached my limit."

I know Big and Carrie eventually ended up together and this gives me hope. Again, I am doing a Carrie, see? But did they really live happily ever after? This, I'd still want to know.