The Test

"Hello?", I discreetly answered the phone.

"Tristan, this is Dr. N. Your test results are out.", she announced.

My heart skipped a bit. I immediately felt cold.

"Shit. This is it.", I whispered.

I was at work. I looked around. No one was around me. I can cry if I have to. I knew how this would work for I have played this scene in my mind several times - that I would receive a call from the doctor and she would ask me to come in and see her. I will do as I have been asked and scurry to the hospital to find out what had happened. Then she'd tell me in a very calm and relaxing manner that I tested positive. And I would cry. No, I would tear up and this would be followed by a speechless moment. Then I'd break down and cry in front of her. I would be hysterical, run to the nearest shower stall and scrub myself with an imaginary soap while crying and saying "ang dumi dumi ko... ang dumi dumi ko...". And after all that is done, I would stare into nothingness, not eat and stop talking.

Yes, my mind is perverted and I would giggle every time I would play this scene in my head. It calms me down, really. But deep inside, I am really scared with the possibility - I knew that the possibility of me having HIV and/or other STDs was there. Heck, it was high. And that was no laughing matter.

"Yes doc, how did it go?", I asked.

My world totally stopped spinning. I remember it was just a few days ago when I did some blood work. I had casually asked my doctor to tick the HIV and other STD boxes in the order sheet. Brushed it aside and gossiped with her. I pretended to be cool, calm and collected when I asked for those but deep inside, I have never been more scared. As a result, I haven't been sleeping well the last few days.

"Well, everything's normal. Your BP, blood count... blah blah... you also tested negative for syphilis, gonorrhea and HIV... blah blah..."

I felt that a big weight was lifted off my shoulder. My heartbeat was a nearing a million beats a minute. I was smiling. I slumped on my chair.

"Thank you!", I told her on the phone.

But she was not listening. She kept on telling me so many things, reciting cholesterol levels and LDLs and what have yous. And then it was my turn not to listen. All I knew was that she had said that I was clear of anything and everything that bothered me. I whispered a silent prayer and thanked the heavens.

And just like that, I felt like a new person again with a new lease at life.

I am much happier now.

Thank You.