Married Guy Needs Help

I was looking online for a possible hook up to jump start my three-day weekend when I stumbled upon this letter in my friendly neighborhood hook up site. The title was already a little off - "Lost Item - Help" but, still, I read it out of sheer curiosity.

Cruel as it may seem, I found myself laughing halfway through his letter. I am even giggling just typing this post. But seriously, I would love to help out but, much like the letter sender, I am out of creative ideas. So, I am reposting his letter to get some creative suggestions from you guys - my dear readers. I invite you to read his letter and be amused but please, help him by leaving a comment.

Cheers, T

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I'm mortified/petrified. I was in the sauna at the gym, middle of the afternoon and completely dead. I brought a small bottle of hand lotion with me and was rubbing it on my legs. As I got up towards my privates I squirted some more on and it spilled and ran down between my legs. I kinda chased it down to my butt hole. For whatever reason, I started massaging my butt hole. I got turned on and had a erection. This really surpised me. I added more lotion, put my foot up on the bench and then went to squeeze some lotion directly onto my butt. As I pressed the little neck of the bottle to my hole, my foot slipped off the bench and the bottle went about halfway into my ass. It hurt but when I jumped up to pull it out I had an instant orgasm. Another surprise. The plastic bottle slid the rest of the way in and my butt closed around it.

I had the sudden urge to take a dump so I ran throught the locker room and took a major dump. It was loose but kinda shot out of me with some force. I looked but didn't see the little plastic bottle. I grabbed a comb and came back and tried to poke around the toilet to be sure the bottle had come out too but couldn't find it.

So I'm worried. My butts a little sore. It just happened about two hours ago. I think the soreness is from the suddenness of the bottle pushing into my butt. I've tried to take another dump to see if the bottle could still be there and might come out but I've had no luck with the dump or the bottle.

I tried not worry, ran on the treadmill for 32 minutes like usual -- can't feel anything. I put some liquid soap on my finger and pushed it in as far as it would go but again didn't feel anything.

I'm back home now and tried to research the problem. I've read about people needing surgery to have items removed, and that a lot of items come out by themselves.

I'm 45, married, excerise regularly. I've never done anything even close to this before. The item was a small plastic hand lotion bottle from a fancy hotel. The top was off and it was half filled with the lotion I didn't use. It's about 3 inches by 1 inch wide -- same width - top and bottom. Like I said, I can't feel it and want to think it came out earlier...but since I didn't see it I'm not sure.

I can't even begin thinking about explaining this to my primary care doctor.

Do you think it shot out after the first dump or will pass by itself?

Would I feel it if it was still there??

Anything I should watch for in case its still there? Any symptoms to be aware of?

I'm sure I'll get a lot of stupid nasty responses....but if anyone has some real advice I'd appreciate it.