Dear Stranger

Blogger's Note: Emo post. Read at your own risk.

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Dear Stranger,

I'm having one of those days again - one of those less happy days. It sucks, really. I have been fighting this for some time now. I just have to give in to it tonight. I need to finally do this.

I looked outside and it's dark. I am sure it's also very cold. I would just have to trust my instincts; I haven't really gone out for the last three days. I have been a little under the weather - I had to stay in. But beyond being sick, the sad reality is that no one really gives a shit on what's going on. The truth I just have to deal with my sucky life by myself. It is what it is.

It doesn't really help that my brain can go on hyperdrive and I find myself asking why I feel alone when there are a million and one people online? Why I am by myself when I know at least two dozen people in this place? Why I feel... oh God, dare I say it... sad?

And then, of course, I have to deal with a lot of shit on a daily basis. I have to make sure that I eat well so that I don't gain weight and eventually die. I need to work my ass off and drag myself to the gym. Then I'd need to wake up at a certain time, get to work at this hour, do the same sucky things over and over and over again. Oh and responsibilities - I have lots of them. Shit, really. And then I try to get laid, to pass time... to take my mind off the fact that out of the billions of people in the world, no one really wants to be with me beyond two hours.

And that is where you come in. You're supposed to be here for days like this. You're supposed to tell me that I am a good person who deserves so much more; that I should hang in there in times like this. You're supposed to be a friend who would tell me senseless stories about anything and everything to take my mind off these things. You're supposed to make me feel that I matter, at least to one person - and you're supposed to tell me that I need not feel sad because you're there. You're supposed to be around and listen when I cry. You're supposed to tell me that everything's gonna be okay. You're supposed to make me feel less alone.

But you're not here. You're not there either. In fact, you're nowhere.

It sucks that I am sad. It really sucks that when I'm sad, the first person I'd think of is you. And it really, really sucks that, right now, the best I could do is blog about it.