Service Advisory

Tristan Tan is currently busy shopping and decorating his new apartment. He is starting over but he will blog again, for old time's sake, once he's already settled in or until he meets his true love, whichever comes first.

In the meantime, one big favor...

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

People are People

I was checking my old playlist when I found this song again. Now, every word just makes sense. 

I am the one who stirs it up every time
I am the one who never knows how close he is
I am the one who'd rather be dead than confess
I am the one trying to be good, wanting to be bad and so on

Something Happened

And it finally happened. I had long expected this - I was only the counting the days. 

It was just past ten and, in where I am, the sun had just set. I was out shopping the whole afternoon but I never really got to bring home anything. So what was supposed to be a shopping spree ended up as a window-shopping spree. My feet were tired and I was sleepy. I decided to go home. I took the usual train and waited the usual number of minutes to get to where I needed to be. The ride was totally uneventful except for a few guys ranting on why their baseball team lost the nationals or something like that. But I digress.

As I stepped out of the train, I felt something big was about to happen. And no, it was not about me finding out that Michael Jackson died - it was something more tragic than that. I looked out at the suburban skyline and tried to figure out what was wrong. From where I was I saw a bus approaching, 28B. I whispered a quick thank you to the heavens and ran towards the bus stop. Yes, my cardio now includes running after buses and trains. It's a good workout if I may say so. But I digress again. 

It was perfect timing and this is always a good thing. I quickly boarded the bus and tapped my card on the machine. I saw a hunk just beside the rear door. I decided it was time to work my magic. I took a seat beside the gorgeous Latino. He was wearing a white shirt and jeans. Obviously, he had just come home from somewhere and I, I was wearing my usual office get up. I took a quick glance at him. Our eyes met. He smiled. I smiled back. I asked him where he was off to and he replied that he was on his way home. He asked me where I lived. I told him where. 

He was sort of puzzled. I tried to figure out why. The conversation went on for a few minutes. The bus made left turn and then a right. Someone got off and the bus was back on its way. I looked out the window. That was when I lost it. I blurted out a crisp "shit!" to the surprise of my new found Latino boy toy, Carlos. I stood up and pulled the stop cord. The bus stopped. I got off. The doors closed and the bus was on its way. 

By the curb, I pulled out a Frost and puffed. I felt cold. I did not know where I was. I did not know how to get home. I looked for a cab and found none. I started walking back and forth. I was in panic. Finally, after minutes of walking, I got myself a cab. I was home after a few minutes.

And then it hit me - I never got Carlos' number. Damn.

Blogger's Note: I am admittedly directionally-challenged. So there you go.

Thoughts Before Bedtime

The year is halfway through. I have been up high and down low. I have loved and lost, several times over - and one almost got me.

And this makes me wonder.

Why do I even bother believing in happily ever after when everything else ends before that? Why do I even attempt to make things work? Don't I have enough of that in the office? Why do I even believe in fairy tales? I am already a fairy ergo my stories are really my fairy tales, right?

Because, I guess, that's just who I am. 

I am, however, astonished at how persistent (and stubborn) the romantic Tristan can be. He still believes that no matter how many heartaches come his way; no matter what body part presents itself next; no matter how long or how short... the relationship is, there's still this one person in this world who will be there for him in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, in good and in bad, forever and always.

But they haven't met yet.

So for now, he is holding on to whatever is left of the hopeless romantic Tristan - the fraction of him who continues to hold on to the possibility of happily ever after, of love against all boundaries, of fairy tales, of princes, of unicorns and rainbows, of his own happy ending. 

He just wishes his prince shows himself soon.

In the meantime, he chooses to shamelessly bask in the glory of his success. And we all know what they say about people who are unlucky in love... they get richer by the minute. 

Enough said.

As Good As It Gets

I should be preparing for work but instead I found myself re-reading stuff that I have written a few months ago. Suddenly, as if on cue, tears started to form on the corner of my eyes. Just when I was just about to go emo, I stopped myself. It was then when I remembered how it felt like to be in love at that time. It made me smile. Kinilig pa din ako. I stood up, got myself a bagel and some cream cheese and stared into the horizon.

"It was good while it lasted, Tristan.", I whispered.

And I guess it's true for all cases of love gone bad. That no matter what happened afterwards; no matter who or what was the cause of love's fall out; no matter what the circumstances were and even if you both still love each other; nobody can take the moments that you two made together. It will be your shared reality. So smile, neither of you will forget. 

Blogger's Note: This is a short piece for a friend also undergoing repair. Kaya yan!

Quickie

Yes, you must have heard it - a train (metro) crashed in DC. At least six people died.

Photo Credit

Fortunately, I don't take the Red line (I ride the Orange) so needless to say, I'm still alive. Thanks to all those who remembered.

Still

It's five in the morning here and I have just risen from sleep. Wasn't it just four hours ago when I went to bed? But I am restless and now I understand why. 

It sucks that we don't talk anymore. I miss you.

I am Straight

It's astonishing, really.

I was sitting at the lunch table one day when my future lady boss sat beside me and started a conversation. It began with the usual, "Hi, where are you from?" followed by "So, how do you find DC?" to which, in my mind, I was so tempted to reply (ala Thank You Girls) "Oh I found DC using a map, how about you?". Then she continued asking me "Where do you stay in DC?". 

When people try to do small talks with me, I would normally give them standard answers and show off my pearly white teeth to make them think that I am smiling. Anyway, going back to my lady boss, everything was going well with our conversation until she started asking the inevitable: 

"So Tristan, did you travel with your wife and kids?"

I looked at her with awe. She was so clueless. I smiled and politely said.

"I'm single."

She looked at me. Somehow, I felt that she was so puzzled that someone as gorgeous as I am is still single (pagbigyan nyo na blog ko to!) and said:

"Then I'll set you up with some of my girl friends. They're cool ladies. Who knows one of then might end up as your wife!"

This time, I looked at her straight in the eyes, smiled and said:

"Sure."

I threw up in my mouth.

Tristan Thoughts

Blogger's Warning: Emo post. Read at your own risk. I wrote this while smoking outside my balcony that has a great view of the Chesapeake Bay. Tinamaan ako ng moment, so emo to. Anyway, sayang naman ang words so ipopost ko na din. Again, read at your own risk.

Here's the view - note that this was taken around 8:00 PM. 

***********************

To say that I have been busy the last few days is an understatement.  

It has always been difficult to start over and yes, this is me starting over. I have conveniently left my comfort zone for good and have made myself suffer in the process. I still don’t have an apartment. I have yet to settle in. I still suffer from jet lag every so often. And most alarmingly, I feel alone.   

I have met some of the smartest people on this planet; some of whom are almost the same age as I am (or even younger). I have yet to prove myself. It feels like high school over again. So this is how it feels like to be in the open sea. I miss my cozy pond. Back home, I am (I think) a star. Here, I am just someone who’s from somewhere trying to start over. I am just one of the thirty-one nationalities who work in the office. People refer to me as Tristan from the Philippines, period.

I have not made new friends, only acquaintances. I feel that everyone knows each other well enough to be friends. I am a new face – a total stranger. I am obligated to smile because I have to and to be at my best behavior always. I laugh because it is expected. I am trying to fit in and connect and I am finding it hard to do so. Maybe I am introverted after all. I am beginning to lose myself along the way or maybe this is me finding out who I really am. I don’t really know.   

It feels like I am alone in this place with no one to turn to but myself. Well, there’s the family whom I can call every so often but I don’t really want to bother them with my petty insecurities. There are friends back home who still manage to keep in touch but again, it feels like things have become pretty disconnected the last few days. The reality is, I need friends here to get me by and unfortunately, till now, I have not made any.   

I have mastered small talks. “Hi, where are you from?” used to be my favorite pick up line but these days it has become the only question that I can possibly pull out to start a conversation which leads to “Ok, I’ll see you around”. The extroverted me has become a wall flower of sorts. So if you ask me how I am, I would be brave enough to tell you that I am struggling.   

Sex has become a distant dream much like true love.  Whoever said that I would be able to find the love of my life in this otherwise strange city has never relocated anywhere where days are really nights. I can’t even get pass the first level conversations how much more invite someone to bed. Maybe I haven’t tried hard enough. Maybe I should.   

And speaking of bed, where the hell are the clubs here? No one can point me to the right direction. Or maybe I am talking to the wrong people. Needless to say, I have yet to party. Can anyone help me find out?   

Every night, I would pray that the next day would be better. I came here for a better life and I would constantly need to remind myself of this every single day. “It’s all in the mind…”, I would always tell myself. Ganito pala ang mamuhay sa Amerika.   

So I guess this is me now. Welcome to my new life.   

This is the Tristan in America.      

In Love

I have imagined you to life

I have seen you in my dreams

I have admired you from a distance

OMG, what is this?

But you're too good for me, it seems

You're alta while I am simply masa (am I?)

And besides, we just met today

Haven't I learned my lesson yet?

I was in awe when I first saw how gorgeous you were

I was so impressed with ooh what's that?

Your goods were to die for, really.

I must admit, I felt a little horny

Now I have an insatiable desire for you

I crave, I lust - I just hope you too

I want you with me all the time

Once again, I hate it that I rhyme.

No, this is not a simple crush

For I am already too old for that

I am now at the point of obsession

I am in love, even during recession

Today, I fell in love once more

And tomorrow, I will get married - close the door.

The search is now over

I found my new apartment, up next my new lover

The Bitch is Back

I just changed my social (sex) networking profile to: 

"Just moved to DC, originally from Manila. Drop me a line. Let's hook up."

Now we wait. In the meantime, I'm cruising the malls.

I guess the bitch is back.

Goodbye

Old Flame

"Hi, this is Tristan. I will not be using this number starting today. You may still get in touch with me through email. Thanks."

Or so my generic message read. I sent it out to most of the people in my phonebook - the ones that either started with "FB" or "X" and a few others. Little did I know that I would get messages from the person I least expected to respond - my favorite ex, XX. 

XX responded with smiley. 

"Typical XX", I muttered.

I ignored the message thinking that it was just another generic response to an otherwise generic message.  XX kasi is only half the drama queen that I am. He is the type who would never let one know his feelings without prodding. I remember that I used to throw a fit whenever I would need him to respond a certain way - very childish I know but it worked for us. Looking back, I think he liked it when I did and this is also probably why I turned out to be the biggest drama queen that I am now - well trained. But I digress.

"He must be extremely happy that I will now be out of the country...", I even thought.

But I was wrong.

"I'll miss you..." so he texted again.

"Oh...", I felt weird.

So I responded back with a smiley and a message that read:

"You have always been my favorite.", I typed in while trying to be cute.

I thought it would have been over after that. 

"I know.", he replied back.

"Ang kapal mo!", I typed in.

I am sure he was giggling. He always does that when he tries to be cute. I had to find out.

"XX, is it okay if I call?"

"Oo naman.", he responded.

"Call? Damn you Tristan!", I reprimanded myself.

But it was too late - I have already sent the message. So call I did. His voice sounded familiar. His laughter, still infectious. He was still my favorite boyfriend.

"Ingat ka dun ah...", he said. 

"I will miss you...", he continued. 

"Oh... so seryoso pala?", I whispered. 

"Be safe... may swine flu dun... madali ka pa naman magkasakit." 

This time I knew that he was joking.

"Tantado!", I told him. 

He giggled. Evidently, his last comment was really intended to annoy.

"Well, excuse me...", was the only thing I was able to say.

Pause.

"But seriously Tristan, I will miss you."

Another pause.

"I know. I'm your favorite too.", I quipped.

We both laughed. After a few more banters and awkward pauses, we decided that it was already a good time to hang up. 

"Ingat XX... I'll see you soon.", I said.

His voice cracked as he bid me farewell.

"I'll miss you Tristan."

And just like that, all the tears I have been holding back slowly flowed without him knowing it. It just feels amazing that after everything we've been through and even after years of non-communication, XX and I still have it - the one basic thing that I have been looking for in the guys I have dated after him. He and I have that magical connection, that it factor, that make relationships last. It took me a while to have gotten over what we had. He was, after all, the longest-term relationship that I have had and I was his. 

XX and I may never be able to get back what we had before but I am sure that we will remember each other when we're both old and wrinkly. And by then, the memories that we shared would hopefully still be enough to make us smile.

Blogger's Note: I wrote this post while waiting for the final boarding call in Japan.  I was not able to publish it before I left, evidently.

Blogging from DC

The whole trip took twenty four hours - most of which were spent sleeping, eating and daydreaming. Needless to say, I am still alive - a little jet lagged but still alive.

The trip was generally quite uneventful except for a page from the plane's purser while we were somewhere above the Pacific asking if there was a doctor on board. Very Grey's Anatomy if I may say so. Anyway, the chismis was that someone died but I was too sleepy to ask for more details. On a related note and quite surprisingly, there were very few gwapo people on the plane and the airports. I only saw gorgeous people when we stopped over at Nagoya. It was then when I realized that I like Japanese men pala.
'
And because I did not have anyone with me on this trip, I got to read a book. It's entitled, "Eleven Minutes" by Coehlo - nagfifeeling intellectual ako while reading the book but the reality was that I had no choice - I was bored. But more importantly, someone kasi recommended that I read it. To you, and you know who you are, I miss you. Kiss ko? LOL.

I have also prepared a few posts during the trip (while waiting endlessly to get to my destination) but I cannot post it yet because it's stuck in my Mac. I am just using my friend's laptop to squeeze this post since there's something wrong with the connection to my laptop. Maybe we can have this fixed tomorrow morning (note: 12-hour time difference).

Let me also share that I just saw met my first apple tonight. He's the pizza delivery guy who I think is Latino - gorgeous kid who refused to leave the door even after he was handed the tip. When I get my apartment, I'd make sure I'd order pizza from him and maybe, just maybe, our smiles would get us somewhere beyond the door. Wait, what's considered legal in the States ba, 18?

Anyway, let me leave you with this post before I completely hit my head on the laptop. Let me sleep. Goodnight everyone!

My Happy Ending

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

This is the way you left me,

I'm not pretending.

No hope, no love, no glory,

No Happy Ending.

By the time this gets posted, I would have already boarded the plane towards a new life. Let me keep this short and sweet and let the song say it all. Listen. 

See you around, you.

Now I Know Why

I am almost done packing - I just need to buy a ream of Frosts and extra condoms (as if I have not bought enough and yes, I do top, sometimes. Yaiks!) to get me through the first few weeks. After that, dress rehearsal and voila - my pearly white teeth and I, together with my two luggages and a face mask, will make a cameo at the airport in less than 10 hours. Then after one more dinner, a short cup of coffee and a brief chismis with friends, I'll post an emo blog about... Pagbigyan nyo na ko ha? One last before I leave the country. :)

Anyway, I still needed a song. So, as I was searching online, I stumbled upon a classic. I never thought I'd ever fully understand why this song is such a hit during farewells. Now I know why.

If only I knew how to teleport then the world could be much smaller. Teleport!!!

Breakfast in Bed

I thought it was just going to be another day at the hotel. I was just planning on enjoying breakfast with the company of a good book but I was wrong. Boy, was I so wrong!

I was done with the first course which consisted of an omelet and a couple of strips of bacon when you arrived. I saw you standing in front of my table when I came back with a piece of grilled salmon, a piece of bread and some cheese. I looked around and the tables were all filled up. I offered the other seat on my table. You graciously accepted. 

In between bites of bread, you asked for my name. It was only then that I got a good look of you. You were of Indian descent and is in Manila for business. You worked in a bank and have been here for more than 40 days. You excused yourself to get a bagel. You were 5'11ish and you had a very nice butt. I giggled.

In between sips of coffee, you asked me a question that caught me by surprise. I was after all just there to have breakfast. I am clean. I am virginal. I am Tristan, remember?

"So tell me, why are there so many gays in the Philippines?"

I blushed.

"Why, have you been picked up yet?", I asked back.

You laughed.

"No, not really. It's just that in my team there are a million gays and that makes me curious."

"Curious to try it out?", I asked again.

Then it was your turn to blush.

"Are you homophobic by any chance?", I asked.

"No, I'm fine with them."

"Good..."

You looked confused.

"I'm sorry Tristan. I did not mean to ask you if you were..."

I smiled.

"Yes, I am."

You blushed again.

"You know I have not had sex for more than forty days.", you claimed.

Somehow I believed you.

"Well, now that you've mentioned it, I almost forgot how long has it been since the last time...", I replied.

"Oh wait, it was yesterday.", I giggled inside.

"Why?", you asked.

"I've been a good boy for a long time now...", I lied.

"Oh... why is that? Do you have a boyfriend?"

I paused.

"Nah. I refuse to deal with complications at this time.", I lied again.

You smiled.

"If I may ask, have you ever thought of having sex with a guy?", I inquired.

"Well, not really...", you replied.

"But I guess now would be a good time to try...", you continued.

I felt cold. My knees trembled. Something awoke.

"So maybe we can move the party elsewhere?", I replied with wink and a smile.

"Good idea.", you said as you winked back.

And just like that, I realized that if I were to look gorgeous when get to the States, I should skip the the waffles. So I did.

The Promise

My phone rang. An unknown number danced on my screen. I checked it out and hesitated. I answered the call and said hello. 

The voice from the other line asked, "San ka?". 

I paused. My heart stopped beating. I trembled. I started to perspire. 

"I'm at the hotel.", I finally replied. 

"Meet you at the lobby."

"Okay, see you."

I started to panic. I dropped everything that I was doing. I rushed to the washroom to check myself. I looked at the mirror. I smiled. I smiled again. But my eyes were starting to well up. I took one deep breath and walked to the main door. 

"This is it Tristan...", I told myself.

I took quick even steps to the lifts. In a few more minutes, I will be meeting you, finally. The door opened. I stepped in the elevator. I pressed "G". The lift moved. 

"14, 12, 11, 10, 9..."

My heart was beating fast. I checked myself in the mirror. 

"8, 7, 6, 5, 4..."

One more smile. I had to be perfect when I see you.

"3, 2...."

I can almost feel my heart pop.

"Ground floor..."

One deep breath.

"This is it Tristan. This is the promise.", I told myself. 

I found myself at my hotel lobby. I looked around and there you were holding a bouquet of flowers. I smiled. You walked towards my direction. I started walking to meet you. 

"Hi Tristan...", you said as you extended your hand.

"Hi.", I said as I felt tears run down my cheeks.

"I have long waited for this day...", I continued.

You smiled. You looked at me. Hugged me tight and whispered something to my ear.

"Don't cry... I'm here... to fulfill a promise... "

"... and make another one..."

"... I promise to stay..."

I could hear myself weep. 

"This is it Tristan...", I whispered.

I looked at you. You were the same person I loved then. 

Just when I was about to kiss you,

The phone rang.

"Good morning Mr. Tristan Tan, this is your wake up call.", it was the receptionist.

I thanked the caller and hung up. 

"Ambisyosa ka kasing bakla ka... ", I mumbled as I laughed.

I found myself laughing all the way to the washroom. I took a poop and washed up. 

And I felt much better. 

Party Postscripts

There were stories told, gossip shared and kisses exchanged (damn, I missed this!). Oh and yes, there was laughter, lots of it. People were basically in their element, well some of them. A handful of bloggers displayed their excellent wall flower abilities while there were others who sashayed around the 70ish-square room. There were others who found themselves drowning in alcohol after a couple hours. And I, I felt humbled.

I am grateful to everyone who made time - thank you for squeezing me in your schedule. I have been blogging for less than a year but I have made friendships that would probably be with me for a long time. For this I will be forever thankful to my bestfriend, Dr. McFitch who was the one who kept on bugging me to start my own blog. He was not there (or so he claims).

To the first person I met on blogspot and DATED (for the record), the ultra-perky Joaqui, thank you. That night he was drunk, end of story.

To the Fabcasters who made the night star-studded, salamat po the McVie, the Gibbs Cadiz, the Corporate Closet and the Manila Gay Guy. Many people were indeed starstruck. Megaknown?

To my fellow Spice Gs John Stanley, Back in the Closet, and Turismoboi salamat po. 

To my friend, The Closet Geek, thank you for flying to see me. Kunyari ako na lang ang reason. 

To the only tranny in the house,  Ruby Purple - don't worry my dear you remained gorgeous on that couch anyway.

To the coffee babies, Herbs, Yj, Mr. Scheez, thank you for coming even  if there was no coffee.

To Citybuoy, for sharing way too much information. Loko ka talaga! 

To the Aris, thank you for staying with us. Bed was closed daw that night because you were with us. Silya declared bankruptcy.

I am happy to have met the closet conyo in Wandering Commuter and the buffed Jamie Da Vinci. Thank you guys.

To DATS, thank you for coming. I may have already made my own impressions of you prior to that night but meeting you personally has changed that. You are such a good soul. I am sorry. 

Thank you Jaybeecc for partying with us and bringing that lovely dessert.

 

Thank you to the now very controversial Twinkie, the very charming Doc Mike (who flew from Cebu to see me) and the surprisingly reserved MkSurf8 (who flew from Singapore to see me as well). LOL.  When is the group project? Bastusin nyo naman ako!!!

To Knoxx Galen, salamat kaibigan. I know that you really squeezed time to join us that night. I really appreciate it. 

To Hoshi (and his sister Kim), thank you for completing the night. 

To those who were not able to make it that night, we missed you. 

I will leave with memories of fun times with friends whom I know will still be there when I come back next year for a bigger, better and grander party. See you around guys!

The Queen has Spoken

We're having wine and cheese

A grape-less party would be amiss

Pizza, pasta are to be expected

Oh and yes, you will be escorted

Blogger's Note: You know the venue, now here's the room - 2106. Holler if you're near, I'll have someone come down and escort you up. See yah!

Once Again

Life is playing it's joke on me again. With eight days left before take off, this?

To you, I'll see you. This time, I am sure I will. 

Guess the Guests

Yes, we will be drinking milk
And munching on orgasmic cheese
I was told that there will be a Mc-arrival
And I heard he's got a ultimate stories to share

Two Doctors will be on call
And a superhero will make a cameo
The racing surfer will outshine
Ms. Philippines-Visayas without an interpreter

I know zoom-zoom will come and visit
Along with the greatest bitch you'll ever meet
This lady who loves purple jewels
Will finally meet the nerd who lives in the closet

One guy will titillate your soul
Another boy's dreams will remain unspoken, plus one
The hunt for the miniature tree just ended
In the arms of the city, too, will attend

Some have requested anonymity
And there are a few more pending RSVP
It's last weekend prior to departure
One final hurrah before the permanent suture

This Never Happened Before

The night was a night of firsts. 

Thank you Good Boy for making me smile again.