Sugar Rush

It was another day at work and I was busy reading some stuff on my desk. Concentrating. Thinking. Analyzing. Listening to a fabcast, in my own peaceful little corner of the universe. I laughed quietly with old friends. I turned a page. Read some more. Listened carefully. Analyzed. I was in nowhere land when somebody patted my back. I turned around and before me was a gold open box of lovely European chocolates. I smiled. I looked up. And then I saw him.

The European god holding the golden box was smiling at me offering European chocolates. My world stopped. He was looking at me now - eyes so blue, lips so pink, teeth so white, face so flawless. I whispered a quick prayer.

"Dear Lord, please don't let this feeling end, it might not come again..."

The heavens answered.

"Hijo, that's a song..."

I giggled. I regained consciousness. The golden box was still before me. The god still smiling.

"Chocolates?", he offered.

"Oh my effin gawd!", I wanted to shout.

"Oh, great. Thanks.", I casually said as I discreetly chose a piece.

I wanted to keep it as a souvenir but my low emotional quotient got to me. I took it all in my mouth.

"Oh my gawd... it feels like heaven."

I turned my back and closed my eyes. I savored the moment.

"So, you liked it?, the god asked.

"I love it.", I said as I melted.

And I am still melting.

Bitterness Works

Practically everyone I know has hang ups - some with the way that they look, others with other people (especially if they're the ones left behind in a relationship for example), and a handful have hang ups on themselves, in general. More recently, I have noticed that I have been thinking of things (and people) that I have hang ups with, quite regularly. It seems that I have been spending so much time and resources getting pass them. But everything's good. Bitterness works. Trust me, this is based on years of experience and several failed relationships. I suggest you give it a try too.

For starters, let yourself suffer to the point of being bitter about everything and everyone. Negativity is always the best way to start one's gym routine. The more negative you are, the heavier weights you can carry. The more bitter one is, the faster, harder and longer they one runs on the thread mill. This not only helps one get through painful hours in the gym but also improves one's self-esteem when looking in the mirror and buying new clothes. So I say to you, be bitter and reap the rewards.

And speaking of bitterness (or anything bland for that matter), go and starve yourself to death. Well, not exactly death - that would be way to morbid - only to the point of losing weight. Enough weight, again, to feel good about oneself. So go ahead, crash diet. Go on a water diet, a cookie diet or what have you. Just please, don't commit carbicide (read: the act of committing suicide by eating lots of carbs, thanks Bruno!) else all the effort that one has put into being bitter will all just go to waste.

Go on a trip. They say that to effectively forget someone, it is good to take a break and leave the city. I personally prefer going to the beach. There, I guarantee you that not only will you forget someone, you can actually get laid while being bitter (and hungry). How so? Well, with the many nice looking guys (okay, and gals) on the beach, one is surely going to be so envious of how they look. So one can still be bitter and hungry while on travel. It also depletes one's hard earned cash in an instant, faster than it takes to finish singing "I Will Survive" Trust me, it works.

Buy something expensive, what the heck, buy things that you don't really need. Buy a car, a house, a new cellphone. Buy whatever works for you. Buy things that can make you very superficially happy. In addition, shopping is a very effective way to exercise. What more can you ask for? Remember, the more bitter you are, the more you buy and the more you buy, the more poor you get. The poorer you are, the lesser you will eat and this, consequently, will make you feel (and look) good in the process. Have I mentioned that carrying shopping bags is also a good alternative to lifting weights?

Have sex with anyone and everyone you meet. It is great exercise and you can easily feel good about yourself since so many people desire to bed you. And speaking of bed, go to BED and dance. Party like crazy, drink like a camel and get drunk on the dance floor. Just make sure you have good friends who will make you realize that you're already making a fool of yourself while having breakfast at Silya. I guarantee that not only will you be happy, you will get laid. Well, that is if you're still sane enough to recognize a quick pick up line.

And finally, fall in love all over again and make sure things don't work out. Lintik lang ang walang ganti kaya gumanti ka sa iba. Maturity is overrated. Be emotionally unstable. Feel empty. Be as bitter as possible about your failed attempts at love, your not-so-fabulous life and your pathetic attempt at holding on to things (and people) that make you lose your sanity every single day.

Remember, bitterness leads to a better looking you.

Regrets, I Have a Few

Someone asked me if I had regrets and it got me thinking. Much like Uncle Frank, I have my fair share. No, I do not regret the fact that I followed the advice of a friend, went online, and blogged. Here, I have met so many of you. Some became dear friends. A few, I loved. And that's where some of my regret share landed.

I do regret not having prepared well to fall. All I had then was the desire (after much prodding) to write sex stories, period. At that time, I was heartless. I was a whore (and still am, whore-light). But fall I did and as if I was not yet dumb enough, I fell again. What I am trying to say is, what if I had already accepted the possibility of falling online before I started blogging? Would life have been much easier for me, for everyone? Would it have worked?

Looking back, I also feel that I should have been the better man. Well, I AM the better man but I should have been a better better man. Things happened and I have written my fair share of bitter posts. Heaven knows that I really tried to deal with these things on my own, at least for a while, but it was generally easier for me to let go of the pain by writing these things down. Maybe I should have just written things down and not publish them then, it might have been... uhmm better. But where's the fun in that? Seriously, I was not really aware that writing things in my blog (or in somebody else's blog) would cause such trouble and that I (and/or somebody else) would be so infamous (or famous?) in the process. If I had kept mum, would things have turned out differently?

At certain points, I feel that I should have stood my ground on a few things. I knew my limits and what I really wanted but why did I allow myself to compromise? Why did I bestow upon myself doormat-dom? Why did I let myself be treated like a spare tire? An emotional punching bag? The last resort? Why did I let others treat me as if I was not good enough when, in fact, I was (and still am) good enough. And yes, I was (and still am) the better option. There's nobody else like me. What if I loved myself more, would I have felt more loved? If I had used my head more than my heart, would things have been better?

I guess, at this point, I have already learned from my mistakes - I am back to writing with a purpose; I am ready to fall again; I am a better better man; and finally, I have resolved to love myself a little bit more.

If only to find happiness all over again, I am willing to start over.

Hi, my name is Tristan... Tristan Talande.

The Adventure Continues

It was just another regular day. The sun was up. The skies were clear. I was sad errr... disappointed and horny. And so I browsed. Then I browsed some more. And there you were, in your birthday suit, looking for a possibility. I was impressed and you lived close.

"Twenty one..."

I thought for a moment. I tried to recall the legal age - the age of consent. If twenty one could buy beer, then twenty one must be old enough to have sex. I recalled the reasons for not being myself. I took a deep breath. Shook my head.

"Pointless...", I whispered.

I checked the picture again. I locked in the target. A short note was sent. I scheduled to meet him at the nearby supermarket. My phone rang exactly on the agreed hour. I am happy that they are always on time.

"Tristan here.", I casually said as I answered the phone.

"Hey, I'm parked in front of Starbucks.", you replied.

"Black car.", you continued.

Ok. Will meet you there.", I said as I hung up.

I started walking. From afar, I saw a black sports car - a thick gold line run on its side and on the hood. As I approached, someone got off the car and looked my way. I smiled. You smiled back. In front of you, I felt small - you were taller than I imagined. You extended your hand. I did the same.

"Nice to meet you Tristan."

"Likewise."

"So how's it going?", you asked.

I was speechless for a while. Before me was a black god. He was at least six feet, gym fit. He was wearing plaid shorts, a white V-neck tee which showed off the shape of his body and slippers.

"I just dropped off my sister at the mall. We have at least two hours."

"That would be just enough.", I assured him.

"Where are you from?", was the first thing he asked when we got in the car.

"Manila. Just moved here over a month ago.", I replied.

"Ever been with anyone from here yet?"

"You're the first.", I lied.

We went back to my apartment. And there it happened - the thing that I have long avoided for reasons I have kept to myself.

"So, is it okay if I date you?". he asked as he was getting dressed.

I looked at him, patted him on the back and smiled.

"I'm sorry, I don't date..."

He looked puzzled.

"Why?"

I snickered.

"I just don't."

I sensed that he was not happy with what he heard.

"But we can have sex again.", I continued.

Then he smiled.



Blogger's Note: This was supposed to be my comeback post. I was not ready then but now, I am. Bring it on, bitches. And so the adventure continues. Tristan is here to stay.

I'm on the (pause) Top of the World

I have been singing a different tune lately. I guess it's true what they say - that what goes up must come down; and that there's nowhere else to go but up.

So please allow me to do a little Karen with a touch of blue (collar) - for this moment is meant to be treasured. It's monumental. But damn, why do I keep on hearing this tune at the back of my head every time I...?

I am on the (pause) top of the world looking...

Crazy. Just crazy.

Balls

I have always been fond of her. She's a colleague from Africa who has been really good to me since I started in this office. Earlier today, just after lunch, we were chatting about dried mangoes, our apartments, my future car and my inability to drive (she thinks I am a spoiled brat), her kids and her new hair weave and, most importantly, my girlfriend.

"The nerve of this woman!", I whispered to myself.

I was so close to vomiting in my pretty little pink handbag (that matched my pretty pink pin-striped shirt, dark gray pants, branded belt and Italian-made shoes) but I quickly regained my composure.

"Do you have a girlfriend?", she asked again.

"No, I don't have a girlfriend."

"Because I'd like to set you up with another lady friend...", she said.

I smiled.

"But you know what I've been meaning to ask....", she continued.

My heart skipped a beat.

"What?"

She hesitated for a while.

"I've been watching you since you arrived..."

"And?", I persuaded her into continuing her speech.

"I just noticed how well you dress... the shirts that you wear are so nice, your pants fit perfectly... and oh those shoes!", she explained.

"And you wear them so well... take for example that pink shirt, very few guys can wear that..."

"Uh huh...", I nodded.

I was aware of what was coming.

"It's just that... "

"Go ahead..."

"Very few straight guys can pull that off...", she finally blurted out.

I smiled some more.

"And Tristan, the way you speak - it's so sophisticated. You talk well -very smooth...", she commented.

"It's just that you're different than most men in this office...", she continued.

I tried to play the age card.

"Well, I'm way younger than most of the guys here, generation gap?", I explained while laughing.

But then I remembered the commitment I made to myself years ago. I remembered that I promised myself that I will always be honest if and when other people ask me about my sexuality.

"Are you gay?", she finally asked.

I looked at her and smiled.

"Yes."

She went crazy.



Blogger's Note: At work, I will never go out of my way and tell people that I am gay. I don't feel it's important to let them know. I know myself and that should be enough. But, if others, like my new fag hag, would have the balls to come up to me and ask me the question, then I would gladly tell them. Needless to say, I really have high respect for gutsy ones - those who have balls. Too bad, not everyone has them.

This is Really is It

"Tristan, are you home?", he asked.

"Yeah, I am.", I typed in.

"Mind if I drop by?"

"Oh, where's your girl?", I asked.

"She's here. Told her I'd just go get something from the car.", he explained.

So I cleaned up. Then I cleaned up. A few minutes later, he was at my door... smiling.

"Hey, how's it going?", he asked.

"Nice to see you again."

"You want anything to drink?", I asked.

"No, nothing. Just wanted to see you.", he replied.

And that made me blush... and boy, did I blush. I led him to the couch. And so we talked. And we talked some more. There was a whole lot of talking. And a whole lot of smiling.

"Do you wanna walk with me to the car?", he asked.

"Yeah sure... lemme just put on some pants.", I said as I quickly went to the room to get dressed. Blogger's Note: Was just wearing boxers. Grins.

And so we walked to the car. And we continued to talk. And we smiled. And we flirted.

"So I'd see you again soon, right?", he asked.

I just nodded.

"Damn, he's cute.", I whispered.

"What was so complicated about this again?", I asked myself.

We parted ways on the lift. When I got back to my apartment (after sashaying to a friend's apartment first for an hour or so), I checked my laptop. And there it was, several messages from him.

"Next time we meet, we will play, okay?", he typed in.

"We will meet again, right?", he asked when he did not get a response after thirty minutes.

"Do you still want to meet me again?", his last message after waiting for an hour.

I giggled.

"Ang ganda ko, shet.", I whispered.

And I typed in.

"Of course."

Tristan is Back

Here's the thing - my intended long blog holiday needed to be shortened. I am infamous for short blog holidays anyway, so there you go.

Things have happened and now I need your advice. I sort of got myself into a mess - well, I'm not yet there yet but as it is, things are already quite complicated. There's this guy (don't you just love it when I start a blog this way?) whom I met one day in the hallway. We live in the same apartment building and his unit is just two floors up. We connected through a smile that turned into a conversation. He has fallen for the typical Tristan pick up modus operandi. So we continued talking online. He got my email add... then the messenger... you know how it works. Please note that: (1) he seems like a real person; (2) a complete human being; (3) Not a body part; and (4) we've seen each other. Clear?

Now to continue - I have been wondering all this time why we have not really done it. I mean, I am sure I have sent out the sex vibe and I have gotten it from him too. Conversations involving sexual position and roles are enough insinuations, right? Anyway, since I met him, he has been sending me emails asking whether I am available to meet up on this particular day and time. He sends these emails on the oddest of hours, i.e. my office hours, early mornings. I found myself diligently replying to his messages. I even gave him my number to facilitate things. He never called and I, I never understood why. Until today.

My low EQ finally got to me. I lost my patience. I got tired of replying to his emails. Quite directly, I told him that given his rather odd schedule (he can't meet after my office hours and on weekends) and since we cannot seem to find a good time to fuck, we might as well drop the idea of even doing it and move forward. He sort of panicked and asked for my earliest available schedule. He says that he'll fit it in. For the last time, I checked my calendar and we agreed on the date and time.

But he had revelations. And these now make me iffy. Apparently,

1. He has two small kids who stays with him every other weekend. I really don't care about the kids but his schedule, due to the kids, sucks.

2. His work schedule is odd. It's not just graveyard - alternating graveyard or mid-shifts. I really did not grasp the full rationale behind the schedule but he mentioned he's from the medical field so I guess it's normal.

3. He also claims that he has a girlfriend.

But wait there's more.

4. The girlfriend is Pinay.

And it gets more complicated.

5. She lives with him. She has also met one of my Filipino friends who also lives in the same building. Blogger's Note: Yes, this is true. I have heard my friend speak of her. Girlfriend has expressed intention to meet me and my friend one of these days to hang out and to maybe introduce to us the boyfriend who's now trying to get me to bed.

And the funny thing is:

6. The boyfriend knows that the girlfriend has already met my friend. He's smart.

And I hate the fact that:

7. The guy is gorgeous. Hot even. Wait, celibacy has somehow perverted my standards, he's bed-able.

8. And he's into me, at least that's what he says. Blogger's Note: I saw a hard on, on cam, so probably it's true.

9. I am a good person and that these little things really bother me. Blogger's Note: Just to clear things, he's not little. Giggles.

10. And thoughts of being the secret third wheel has entered my consciousness. I may accept, if proposed.

So there, Tristan is back. I now need your advice. Any suggestions on how to handle this?

Offline, For Now

I'm taking a blog break. There are just a few things that I need to deal with, offline. I'll also be on Twitter and YM break. Basically, I'll be out of touch. You get the drift. I promise to come back with a bang... or two... or three. Cheers, T

Happy Birthday!

We were then the best of friends who spent endless days and nights together. We've had our ups and downs. We laughed, giggled, and even cried. More importantly, we loved. We now have different lives but still we managed to keep in touch.

When I woke up today, I remembered... still.

Happy birthday, ex! Have a good one.

And yes, you're still my favorite.

P.S. Here's a Devi. /gg

Cigarette Smoking is Dangerous to Your Sexuality

I was in the mall a few days ago, shopping, when I felt the need to smoke. I had a stick with me but I did not have a light. Blogger's Note: I still carry a pack of cigarettes with me for extreme emergencies and deciding which shoes to buy was an emergency.

So there I was, in search of someone who actually smokes so I could borrow a light. I passed through several mall entrances desperately trying to find someone who had a lighter. I was just about ready to give up when I finally saw two women smoking at the far end of the mall entrance. They're like the typical cool ladies (in their early twenties) one usually meets in straight bars. I think they are American. Since I was really desperate, I casually approached them, smiled and in my friendliest manner asked err begged for a light.

"Hi, would you mind if I borrow your light?"

Both of them looked at me. I swear I felt like I was being rated from head to head to foot. One of them opened her bag and handed me a lighter.

"Here... you can have it."

I felt embarrassed.

"Pu&^(&*^*^&%* to, tingin mo sa kin, poor?", I muttered.

I took quick flick and lit my cigarette. I puffed and handed her back the lighter.

"Thanks...", I said in my nicest tone with matching flirty smile.

The woman smiled back.

"No, you can have it.", she insisted.

"Oh oh-kay..., thanks again. See you around.", I said as I turned around and smoked by the other end of the entrance.

I saw them giggling and I did not really care - I was after all smoking my most treasured stick. Before they entered the mall, they waved goodbye. I acknowledged their gesture with a smile. And then they were gone.

Out of curiosity, I took out the lighter from my pocket. It was pink and on it was a sticker with her name (Janice) and her mobile number. I seriously choked on my own smoke.

And that, my friends, was how I finally decided to quit smoking.

Blogger's Note: The next time I do my groceries, I will buy dozens of lighters and stick my name and number on them too. I am impressed, really impressed.

Tastefully Tristan (Part 1)

Tristan Tales' anniversary is coming up in two weeks. Imagine, it has been almost a year since I first started blabbering online? Anyway, to kick off my anniversary extravaganza, I have compiled memorable lines from all of my posts. Here's the first part which covers posts from August 8 to October 21. Enjoy.

1. Tristan Tan is a pseudonym. I am not Chinese.
   


2. I am hoping to fall, for the last time.
   


3. Honey, I am single, gay and gorgeous. Live with it.
   


4. Nobody should die in the end (of the movie) and everybody deserves to have that happily ever after.
   


5. It may seem, to the uninformed, that I am just one promiscuous bastard who keeps on fooling around with any available horn-dog. Well, that's quite true - I am.
   


6. ... "I cant be your boyfriend but it does not mean that I don't love you." Flashbacks.
   


7. You see, I may often find myself in less-than-wholesome situations but deep within this horn-dog is a good guy who happens to be at the right place, at the right time (or wrong place at the wrong time, whichever way one likes to view his glass).
   


8. "I can't be brilliant all the time"
   


9. Ultimately, what matters is that these things are part of who I am, albeit secretly.
   


10. ... I eat my feelings.
    


11. The Sun always shines. The Earth follows its route surrounding the Sun, but cannot approach it. The Comet brings surprise to the solar system. The picture is incomplete without any one of them.
    


12. Overall, the film made me appreciate the fact that I had experienced life and love as it should be, albeit short-lived.
    


13. When two people cry for the first time that's when they realize how much love they have for each other..
    


14. Now moving along...
    


15. Hi friend, we're done... what's up?
    


16. It would have been better if I had just ordered for a massage.
    


17. No, it takes longer than 3 minutes to get things done correctly, my friend.
    


18. "I'm perfectly fine sir.."
    


19. Your name remains a mystery - your details are lost in a cloud of anonymity. I barely know you but it seems like I have known you all my life.
    


20. I, fearing constant and emo-filled attention, held back and finally said, "libog lang yan..."
    


21. When someone falls out of love, it does not mean that what happened before that was not real. You loved and you felt loved.
    


22. I never stopped loving you...until last night.
    


23. Ako si Tristan, Isang Iskolar ng Bayan.
    


24. Success can indeed impress.
    


25. When that time comes, I hope I would already have to courage to ask you out.
    


26. Red Flag: Bad English
    


27. As I took a shower, I thanked the heavens for conspiring for my happiness that day.
    


28. Seriously, I had beauty queen flowers
    


29. "It's really a gay gay city", I told myself.
    


30. Hi, I am Tristan.
    


31. I am now confused but I may just as well be in love.
    


32. Take it or leave it, this is me.
    


33. As I performed my "sorry-this-is-what-you-will-never-have" moves combined with my "you-should-feel-sorry-you-are-taken" smile, I felt better.
    


34. My now aching head is back in control and it is telling me that I am lactose intolerant.
    


35. I flashed my "I-know-I'm-brilliant-now-take-off-your-clothes" smile and casually brushed off his last comment.
    


36. My heart (and now I am revealing) has somehow developed its own defense mechanism that, with any sign of love, it automatically activates a force field thereby shutting everyone out.
    


37. I have been blue. I have turned red. I have found myself green on several occasions. I still wear black. I wish I could wear white. I adored yellow. I am brown. I am purple. I am orange. I am still not fond of grays but I am willing to live with it, at least for now.
    


38. I am now wearing my heart on my sleeve - much like comets, this thing only happens once every few years.
    


39. I am the Queen and I am efffffing proud of it!
    


40. "Mind over matter, mind over matter...", I muttered.
    


41. I took a chance, I gambled but I lost. So what now?
    


42. "Finally, Tristan is back", I whispered.
    


43. "Tristan, I am glad to have met you. Too bad we had so little time to talk. See you soon.", it was from you.
    


44. To my friends who helped me craft the rest of that night, "Thank you for making me realize that sweetness is not beyond me."And to you, "Thank you for breaking my heart."
    


45. When is too much, too much? When should one take his final bow?
    


46. Then a brilliant idea - "Piolo for President, anyone?"
    


47. "I miss you pare...", I wanted to add but I stopped myself.
    


48. I was alone when you came into my life. You’ve taught me how to love, you made me smile. But you are a drifter just passing by. No time to fall in love, just time enough to smile.
    


49. After all, I am Tristan, the dreamer who still believes that his own happy ending is just around the corner.
    


50. "I'll take the root canal Doc, it's the closest I can get to dying..."

Reality Check

I know I promised you a love letter but this is the closest thing I have so far. In it, you'd never read grand declarations of love or well-thought-of romantic verses. There are no promises attached nor humanly impossible commitments. Instead, what I have here are just realities served on a plate of reason.

In the past few days, I have come to realize that I must really be in love with you, in spite of and despite of. It seems to be a fact that I cannot run away from. I tried but I kept on being drawn back to you. I know it has no logical basis; no reason but it's just what I feel. I love you and that's it. It's crazy. And now, I have allowed myself to love you from a distance.

But the sad thing is, we are faced with certain realities. Pure reason would dictate that it would be such a waste of time and emotions to deal with you, especially now that we are worlds apart and have our own lives to live.

Even if we still have it.

Even if we still care.

Even if there is still hope.

It pains me to let go of the possibility of a happy ending. It kills me to even think that our ever after could never be attained. I find it difficult to just give up - it is so unfair. I hate the fact that I cannot do anything; that I am helpless. I am weakened by the fact that I love you, again, in spite of and despite of.

And now I am scared. I am terrified to admit to myself that a "we" may never form part of our reality.

Even if I love you.

Even if I care.

Even if I wonder.

But I am still taking my chances. Hopefully, by some odd twist of fate, a reality based on our realities will materialize. And maybe, just maybe, we'd soon find ourselves happy.

The Train Ride (Part 2)

"So where are you off to?", he asked.

"Just a few stops from here...", I replied.

"Cool. I live in _____, end of the line...", he said.

While were talking, I noticed he was restless. He seemed like he was trying to figure out where to place his hands. I looked at my reflection in the window - I was calm and collected - I looked like a pro. I felt that I needed to make him comfortable. He took the first step anyway so it was now my turn.

"So what's your name?", I asked.

"Mark... you?"

"Tristan...", I replied while wishing that he did not see my eyes roll.

"Great... another Mark...", I muttered.

He smiled and extended his hand. His grip was firm. He shook my hand and he looked me in the eyes. I gave him a flirty smile. It was then when I realized that my hands were cold. In as much as my face and body language showed no signs of stress, my hands were cold as ice. I hate to admit it but I felt like a newbie. I just wished he did not notice.

Our palms locked for a few seconds but it seemed like eternity. I tried to feel the warmth of his hand - it was electrifying but it felt nice. When we finally let go, we found ourselves laughing on the train like two friends who have known each other for the longest time. He asked me where I was from. He said he has a few Filipino friends and even dated a Filipina in the past.

"Now this gets more exciting...", I whispered.

We talked about the movie that I was just about to watch, to the video games that he played, where he went to school, where we lived, and everything else in between. We were talking about US politics when he mentioned that his boss, a conservative, is a homophobe. I looked at him in the eyes and asked him if he was.

"No.", he said.

And then he smiled at me. I laughed. No words needed to be spoken. The train stopped again.

"Uh oh... one more stop...", I told him.

"Yeah... I'll still have to drive when I get to the end of the line...", he replied.

"Which mall are you going to?", he continued.

"Oh, T_____'s...", I replied.

"I usually go there to hang out with friends..."

"Great... maybe we can hang out soon.", I suggested.

"Sure thing... what's your number?", he asked.

I giggled while giving him my number. Everything felt like new again.

"Call me when you're free...", I said.

The train slowed down as it approached my station.

"It was great meeting you Tristan...", he said as he extended his hand again.

"Same here.", I said as I took his hand, winked and smiled.

Lucky for me, he winked back.

The Train Ride

I was at the train earlier with a friend. We had braved the rush hour traffic to get to the mall in time for Bruno. The doors opened and we scrambled to get. My friend took the extra seat just across the one I got. It was there when I saw him - my American intern.

He's 21 and in military school and I, I was looking around for someone I could hang out with. Beside him, I sat perfectly still trying to imagine how things would turn out between us... err.. wait, how things would begin first. He was wearing a black suit, yellow tie and his back pack (yes, he had a backpack) was on the floor, tucked between his legs. He had black earphones on. His blonde hair - messed up like any twen-teenager. There was just one problem - he was asleep.

My friend looked at me from where she was sitting and smiled. She knew that I adored the boy and it was just a matter of time before I make my move. What she does not know is that I have not practiced this skill for some time now. She does not know that I have changed.

The boy woke up, looked at me and fixed his coat. He went back to sleep. I looked at his reflection from the mirror, checked myself out and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and forced myself to sleep. But the face of the boy beside me was just to gorgeous to ignore. His lips were so plump and pink. His nose chiseled to perfection. His brows, brown. His eyes, blue. I opened my eyes again and saw him still sleeping beside me.

I gave up.

The train stopped and people started pouring in again. He awoke, looked around. Our eyes met. He smiled and uttered, "This must be the slowest train on this system!". I turned to him and smiled. He seemed nice so I nodded. And that was the start of what would turn out to be a very lovely train conversation.

(to be continued...)

DC-fied

Inspired by someone else's style of writing and due to my utter lack of originality, let me share with you bits and pieces of information that I find cute but not worthy enough for a full page blog post.

I have lived and worked in Metro DC for more than a month so I have already gained a good perspective of how a typical person operates in this little corner of the world. Actually, this all started when a friend told me that I have already been "DC-fied." I was clueless as to what she really meant by that so I asked. After our brief chat, I had to agree with her, I may have already been DC-fied to a certain extent. Based on our chat, DC is a lifestyle (much like being gay) and once your lifestyle somehow "conforms" to the norm, then you have been DC-fied. I really don't know if these are accurate but these are what I noticed.

Well, for starters, I am now very much dependent on public transport. DC has a very efficient, sans crashing trains, subway and bus systems. One can practically get to anywhere in DC by bus or train. One skip and another hop later, you're there. My favorite metro station is Foggy Bottom - go figure!





People use maps, GPS and street names and numbers to get to anywhere. I simply tag along so I need not think of where I am going.

DC-fied means arts and culture. I know, this label is associated with THE Gibbs Cadiz but just between us, he's local. (hehe, labyu Gibbs!). There are museums everywhere and take note, these are free to the public. I have not yet tried the free shows, arts and culture-related still, at the Kennedy Center. And I heard that there are art films from all over. This is so alta, right Joaqui?

I have also yet to fully understand DC-fied people's fascination over sandwiches. Hey, a boy cannot live on bread alone! When I do have sandwiches for lunch, I find myself ultra famished by the time I get home for dinner. I will not even dare venture in the land of salads and soups! Ugh.

They say people who are DC-fied often have an appreciation for running as a sport. They find it odd that I still run on the threadmill when in fact I can just get out of the apartment and run anywhere. The only advantage of running on a threadmill is that I need not run back home when I get tired of running. I can just step off the machine and take the lift home. Oh and speaking of runners, there are gorgeous... and I mean GORGEOUS guys who run with their shirts off. I would always swoon whenever they pass by me. So next Tuesday, a friend and I have agreed to run in DC after work. Pero ako, maghahabol lang talaga ako ng pogi. Grins.

DC-fied people walk. They measure distance by blocks and miles - something that I still find a challenge but I am learning. How big is a block? I have no clue. What I know is, my Philippine-made ultra-fashionable shoes needed to be changed after a month!I feel that I am already DC-fied when it comes to shopping. Sales are everywhere and when DC-fied people see sale items, they shop. Shopping is something I enjoy as a sport so I am very good at it. I have also stopped converting dollars into pesos which is why I end up buying more. Imagine, a pair of shoes for just over a hundred pesos... err... dollars?!?! See what I mean?

Oh and speaking of spending, DC-fied people rarely use cash. I remember when I first went here a few years back, I paid a cashier a crisp hundred-dollar bill for a 10 dollar expense. Her eyes rolled. Apparently, people here have no more than forty dollars in their wallets. It's plastic world and I am enjoying it. The advantage is you're never given loose change. Trivia - in less than a week of spending in cash, I have amassed a bagful of change that I have yet to count.

DC-fied in summer means that you are used to seeing the sun set at 9:00 pm which is why I sometimes wonder why I feel hungry at 7:00 pm! Dinner should be taken in after the sun sets and not when it's noon-hot outside!

DC-fied means organic. It has been a challenge to find non-organic vegetables and meat here. Not that I don't like organic stuff but they are more costly (of course) and they taste odd. For someone who grew up with pesticide-grown vegetables and meat overloaded with fat (yes, they trim these off here which appalls me), this is something new. But as I said, I have been DC-fied so I have now gone organic.

DC-fied people are not from DC. DC is a very cosmopolitan place and everwhere you look, there are people from other parts of the world. The standards of beauty is different which is always a good thing. This is why Tristan here is an exotic straight Asian guy who has been DC-fied.

DC-fied people greet one another everywhere by saying "how are you doing?" and then one is expected to say "I'm good, how bout you?" or maybe "not bad...". Greetings are always good but trust me, very few people actually mean what they say.

So there you go, how are you guys doing?

Desperate Times

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

As such, I have decided to run this:

10 kilometers. October 25, 2009.

Watch me.

Now Smile

I love you. I have loved you for some time now but I have just kept mum about it. I do not want complications, not again. If only you'd realize how much I have changed since. But, of course, you would not know this... or would you? I am now a new man, trust me, I have changed, thanks to you. You are the reason for self-preservation; my reason to change.

So let me love you from a distance; this is all I ask. If only you'd look my way. But that's just me, dreaming. It would never happen. But what if it does? I guess I'd be the happiest guy alive. If only.

In the meantime, let me just pray for your happiness. Everybody deserves to be happy, especially you. I wish you peace of mind and good health. Take care of yourself in as much as you'd like to take care of others.

Always remember that shit happens for a reason. Hang in there; life gets better. If it were just up to me, I'd never want to see you cry; I'd just like to see you happy. But sometimes crying is good, sadness is useful and, pain is necessary.

Don't worry, I'll be around to cheer you up, I promise. And finally, never ever think that you're alone and that nobody understands. I am here.

I love you. I know you. I understand.

Now smile, this is for you.

Pump My Ball

I recently bought an exercise ball (to work out my always-there one-piece ab) and I did not realize that it did not come with a hand pump. What was a boy to do but ask a girl friend to call in a favor from someone else. Here's what my friend left on my machine:

"Hi Tristan, my nephew is coming over in a while with his pump. I don't know if you're home but please call me back if you'd still want him to pump your ball."

My perverted mind took over. The next thing I remembered were flashes of the nephew pumping my ball. And then I gave her a call.

"Hello dear... Yes please. I would still need your nephew to pump my ball."

She was clueless. I was giggling the whole time.

Conquering Neverland

I found it.

I have heard of this site from a friend who used to live in the States but I never really paid attention. More recently, and more likely out of an extreme desire to end my virginal lifestyle, I checked it out.

I crossed my fingers.

Today, I ventured into the unknown - the site where everybody starts anonymously and hopefully ends up in bed. I took the hibernating Tristan out of the luggage and imbibed his essence. I took a deep breath and started typing in three sentences, attached a picture and capped it with a simple title - "Asian for NSA (read: no strings attached).

Then I left to shop.

With my new pair of shoes, several pairs of pants and half a dozen new shirts, I went home and logged in. I was surprised with what I found - at least thirty people responded with their information, addresses, contact numbers and pictures in varying levels of undress. I laughed at the level of sexlessness these days - and I thought I was alone!

I was not disappointed.

I read each and every email. A lot were eliminated based on age. Some were scrapped due to their proximity to my place. Some were really interesting. A few were indeed impressive. More importantly, all of them were interested.

I made the decision.

I needed to be impressed so I found myself typing away. I smiled as I watched my program send all my messages to all lucky email senders. Now, the game begins.

Tristan is now ready to conquer Neverland, in English.

Blogger's Note: Yes, I will be careful and more importantly, I will be safe. Stand by for a future post: Craigslist for Dummies - I just need to figure it out first. Ugh.

Happy Monthsary

I just realized that it has been a month since I left Manila. Time indeed flies so fast and so much has changed. Anyway, just so everyone's updated on what has been happening with me, here's what I have been up to. This is, of course, under the assumption that you are interested in my life otherwise, please feel free to leave.

My weekends (and even weeknights) have been filled with shopping trips and I love it.

I am now one-size smaller, pants-wise. I blame long walks, extremely longer waits, and, of course, my newfound affair with buses and trains for all of this. Sadly, I think my feet grew by half-an-inch. Darn.

I am also five pounds lighter (as if it's obvious!) in spite of how much I have been devouring the past month. The food here is overwhelming!

I just checked my supply this afternoon and it seems that I am down to my last pack of Frost. After this, I am quitting smoking again until further notice. Hopefully, my new stash comes in soon but until then, a healthy lifestyle is in order.

And since I'll be living healthy, I'll be going back to the beach. Goodbye carbs.

I'll also be running (hopefully, a marathon soon) as part of my newfound devotion to an active lifestyle. I am also planning to learn how to ride a bike (yeah, I know!), swim (this one too!) and dance (ballroom). Apparently, dancing is a very important skill when one hangs out with women of a certain age.

I have not had a haircut until now and my hair is starting to annoy me. I'll give it a couple more weeks so I can prep myself up for a very expensive cut and find myself a new stylist.

You've all seen initial pictures of my house. I have yet to send updates but at least I have given you an idea of how things look. Soon, I'll post random pictures. If you'd like an online tour of the house, send me a message. Let's do a YM tour!

This early, I have also made plans for several trips - New York a few weekends from now. New England or Baltimore in fall. Canada soon enough. New York again for the holidays. A quick trip to the West Coast probably. And maybe Europe early next year. Home in April. I just wish a few of these materialize.

And yes, I have maintained my extremely wholesome personality until now. I am rediscovering a new side of Tristan - ultra virginal.

When it comes to love, zero. It does not really bother me though. At this point, I feel that I am still preoccupied with so many things that I cannot focus on love... at least not yet. Besides, I promised myself that I will do things right the next time I fall. I think, by then, I will be ready for forever. Fingers crossed.

Finally, I have been missing a few people. If you are still reading this post, then probably, you're one of those I miss.

It has been one heck of a month and I barely recognize who I am now but everything is good.

Happy Monthsary Tristan.

Transportmers

The "Transformers" fever has long been gone but when I saw these in one of my emails, all I could do was shake my head and smile. So which one's your favorite Trasnportmer?

Blogger's Note: Credit is due to whoever did these. These are just brilliant!

Flashy vs Comfy

I could not take it anymore. I had to do it.

So there, I finally decided that it was time that I go out to shop (again!) for a new pair of shoes. The shoes that I brought from Manila were indeed ultra fashionable but it was now clear that these were not appropriate for this place. Apparently, people here enjoy walking; I don't. So this spoiled brat's shoe-choice then was based on the need to satisfy the eyes and not my feet. Needless to say, my ultra-fashionable shoes were never meant to be used for walking, how much more for running after buses and trains. Cue "Buses and Trains" please.

Anyway, there I was looking around the display area when this cute Chinese guy who eventually turns out to be a sales attendant comes to me and asks for my size. The pervert in me immediately thought of something else so I found myself giggling inside. I requested him to bring me every pair that has satisfied my eyes in size 10 (technically, I am a 9.5... but you know how it works, right?). After a few minutes, he handed me several pairs to try on - Kenneth Cole, CK, Guess, and other what-have-yous. I felt like blurting out a song. Cue "Fashionista" please.

I tried on everything. He then asked why I looked disappointed. I finally admitted that the shoes that he asked me try on were not really comfortable - they all just looked good. I told him that I needed something decent-looking but also comfortable to wear. He thought for a moment, excused himself and came back with a new pair. This time, he gave me an Italian brand - something I am not familiar with - Bruno Magli. He says it's some Italian shoe hand-made from real leather that were really comfortable blah blah. I never really bothered to listen; all I wanted to know was if it was indeed comfortable. I tried it on, one foot after the other. I pranced around the place to check some more. They were indeed comfy. But there was a problem - they were not as gorgeous-looking as the other pairs. It was not even close to the form of my old Philippine-made shoes. I sighed.

Then he made a witty remark.

"You know Tristan (he also asked for my name), the ugly ones are usually the more comfortable pairs...."

I paused for a second and wondered.

"Was he still talking about shoes?"

I snapped back to reality and bought them in no time. Cue Andrew E.'s "Humanap Ka Ng Panget".


Blogger's Note: I later learned from friends that I spent way too much on my shoes and, apparently, the brand that I chose was indeed one of the better brands in the market. What else can I say? I must really have good taste.

Not Me

Blogger's Note: This is not me. Trust me, I don't know who wrote this post but it's definitely not me. Has my account been hacked?


As I am typing this, my crush(es) are in front of me and they are making me weak. So here I am pretending to draft an email...

They're both cute-sies and I don't mind being stuck in between these two. One is a total jock with teeth so white that it matches mine, his lips are so pink-ish that they are utterly kissable. I am also loving his blue eyes and he speaks with a distinct but lovely European accent. I could just imagine him whispering sweet nothings into my ear. Oh, he's such a sweetheart. Too bad he's straight. But aren't we all? Sigh.The other one's a twinkie - I think he's English. He's such a puppy and me likes puppies.

Darn it, I can't stop looking at them. Oh wait, they smiled at me. Geez, I am melting. Oh shit, am I gay? I am totally giggling inside but my po- po- poker face facade is not giving away the reality that I am wearing fuchsia undies today to match my red shirt. OMG Lady Gaga would go gaga over my po-po-po-poker face. Nobody knows my secret (at least in this place) and it is so much fun. It feels like high school all over again! I love it.

Rainbow Connection

One of my favorite songs of all time. The lyrics are simple yet it strikes me to the core.

"Someday, we'll find it the rainbow connection - the lovers, the dreamers and me."

Forgive Me

I met someone today. He is in his early forties but his body is well maintained - lean and mean. I was immediately drawn to his bubble butt and his nice smile. I looked at him as he approached my apartment building's main entrance. I was smoking.

He sized me up. I did too. Nothing verbal was exchanged - just discreet glances which, in our world, is the equivalent of a 30-minute sex talk. He pulled the door and went in. I continued smoking.

Then a phone call.

"Mr. Tristan Tan, this is your Concierge. Someone's waiting for you at the reception area."

"Oh. Okay, I'll be there in a bit.", I replied.

I took two more puffs and threw what remained of the cigarette to the nearest bin. I felt the cool summer breeze touch my skin. It was good. I took a deep breath and opened the main door of the apartment building.

I saw him standing in front of the Concierge. He extended his hand and smiled.

"Hi... are you Tristan?"

I felt cold.

"Oh no...", I whispered.

I extended my hand to meet his. He had a firm grip.

"Hi, I'm Tristan..."

"Hi Tristan, my name's Romeo... "

I looked at him in the eyes, smiled and pretended that what happened earlier did not happen.

"Father, let's wait for my friends before we start the house blessing, I hope it's okay.", I finally said.

"No problem Tristan... I can stay until 10 pm", he replied.

And just like that, my ultra virginal status was reaffirmed.

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned.", I whispered.

Blogger's Note: I just had my apartment blessed to ward off bad vibes. I never expected to meet a priest, and if I may be excused, whom I find quite doable. There were several instances when insinuations (of something beyond our "official" functions) were made and the fact that this happened still makes me cringe. Is this a test?

Domesticated

A lot of you have been asking me how my apartment looks like. Well, I just moved in the other day so the whole place still feels so empty - some pieces have yet to be delivered. In any case, I finally had the time to take some pictures of what's already in the place so here goes.

Here's the view from the kitchen - the TV which has both TFC and Pinoy TV. Sue me, I still need my local showbiz news! *cringes*

You can see my kitchen from here but not my red couch - this piece has not yet been delivered till now. Arrgghh.

The mirror has not yet been installed. I am still gathering enough handy man skills to tack it on the wall.

I was also told that I need plants to liven up the place - the agriculturist in me is thinking of planting eggplants. Grins.

Unfortunately, I can't do anything about the wall color - at least not yet. I'd like to paint it red. Oh and I need hardwood floors. Dream on Tristan, dream on.

Of course, the most important piece of furniture in this house - my bed (gusot pa ang comforter, yaiks!). My only requirement for this piece - it needed to be soft enough to lie in but sturdy enough to play on. For the record, it has not yet been used for play - at least not yet. I'm still missing a headboard. Ugh.

It now seems that domesticated is the new pokpok. Agree?

Starting Over

Today, I moved in to my new apartment. It's somewhere off DC but it's good enough to start with. My furniture will be delivered tomorrow so, for now, I'll just have to make do with my black and red bed. It's fun to start over - everything is new, including me.

I am very hopeful. I am now off to a fresh start and I am excited with the possibilities. So I am officially closing a chapter and starting over. I must admit that it took me some time to get to this point but I guess it's but normal. I loved but I lost. I have been bitter and at one point, I even pretended not to care. But I am happy now and I am proud to say that, FINALLY, I am over YOU.

But I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again

For sure, I'll find another you

Blogger's Note: To my friends who are currently undergoing repair, don't fret. Time does heal all wounds. Soon, you will be happy again.