Oh Yes, That's Me

"Immature ka kasi...", sabi ng mga kaibigan ko while we were on our way to IKEA to buy some stuff for my new apartment.

I just laughed it off just like every other comment regarding my pathetic attempts at establishing a connection. Then they started lecturing me on maturity and how after each failed attempt, I would need to learn how to adjust myself appropriately - how to control my desire - how to be less me for the sake of being the perfect mature partner that my future love (sex and magic) would aspire to be with. I almost threw up. But, I was bothered by what they said. Immature nga ba talaga ko kaya hindi nagwowork out ang mga career ko? Ako ba ang may problema o sila?

Truth be told, I think I have come a long way since I first entered this lifestyle. A handful of friends know of this - they have seen me become the person I am today. Hindi nga ako marunong mag-"I Love You" when I first fell in love. Hindi kasi ako sanay. Pero natuto na ko. Mahilig na kong mag-ilabyupiolo ngayon. In fact, sa sobrang dalas kong mag-aylaybyu eh I'm beginning to mean it na pala. Haha. Joke lang. I mean it naman everytime I say it. Yun nga lang, paiyakan bago ako umamin. Haha.

Naalala ko tuloy yung isang nanligaw sa kin in the past - he was just sixteen and I was twenty four ata. Yung bata eh date ng barkada ko eh napacute na bata. At take note, maganda ang hinaharap. Napa-clap nga ako when I first saw it. Anyway, the boy became obsessed sa kagandahan ko. Hinahanap ako sa nanay ko. Haha. Scary no. But what makes him memorable is the fact na mahilig yun mag-i love you. Naaliw ako sa kanya, feeling ko kagandahan talaga ko. But, when I found out na mahal din pala nya lahat ng barkada ko, I dropped him just like that. Habol pa din sya pero di ko na pinansin. I decided to call him "I Love You Everybody". Amputa. But, I digress. Na-carried away ako. Haha.

I agree, my maturity level still has lots of potential. Kailangan ko daw itaas ang EQ ko - wag daw sunggab ng sunggab. Eh ano magagawa ko, mababa talaga EQ ko - alam ko na yun, dati pa. Pag may marshmallows sa table, kakainin ko agad. I like marshmallows eh. Haha. I am very impatient and I need answers as fast as I can. I need to know if what I am doing is worth doing from the get go. Hindi talaga ako yung tipo ng tao na may pakiyeme-kiyeme pa. Hindi naman ako pakipot e. Ang alam ko, pag masaya ako at pag masaya ang ginagawa ko, wala nang kailangan isipin pa. Sabi nga sa song, "there's no need to hesitate, our time is short, this is our fate, I'm yours.". Pesteng kanta yan, mali ang advice. Haha.

But, I understand that not everyone thinks like me and not everyone is ready for the fast-paced lifestyle that I offer. And, this is exactly the reason why I try to adjust - no matter how difficult, adjust lang ng adjust. Sa baba ng EQ ko, magtiwala kayo, adjustment can get really really extremely overly difficult. Pero, reasonable naman kasi akong tao so keri lang. Unfortunately, hindi lahat ng taong pinag-adjustan ko eh kayang sumabay pa din. Mabilis ba talaga ko? Hindi ko talaga maintindihan, over-achiever yata talaga ko? Haha. Yes, I understand, hindi naman kasi to race - walang finish line. Pero, if you like each other naman, bakit kelangan pa ng time? Pag naghihiwalay kelangan ng time, pag naglalandian, kelangan din ng time? Eh pano kung wala nang time? What if we die tomorrow - sorry na lang? Ganun?

For me, maturity is boring. Pag nagpaka-mature ako, it means I am less of me. Hindi na ko impulsive. Hindi na din ako ganun kasaya kasi I think about every single move na gagawin ko. Hindi na ko ako and the very same reason that some people gravitate towards me disappears with me overthinking my actions. So what's it gonna be? Ano ba talaga kuya? Oh and by kuya, I mean the expression and not a particular person, okay? Some people say good things come to those who wait? Whatever happened to Jack of Titanic when he hesitated? Ayun namatay sa lamig in the middle of the ocean just because. True love nga naman, funny. So would you rather be dead and mature or be less mature and happy?

Ako alam ko ang sagot ko. I live my life following a very simple rule. I always do what makes me happy. Kelangan masaya kasi pag hindi masaya, it's not worth doing. Happy not content. Happy not difficult. Happy not peaceful. Siguro, sa ibang tao, doing things that do not necessarily make them happy but keep all the troubles away is already good enough. I respect that. But, that's just not me. I am different and I intend to keep it that way.

P.S. Anong tawag sa phase na to? Haha.