Adobo Therapy

Full moon ba? Everything was so off this weekend. Isa lang ang tumama - my adobo. Finally, nakuha ko na din ang tamang timpla ng adobo. I cook without a recipe all the time so iba iba din ang lasa ng niluluto ko especially my adobo. Ang weird kasi ang lasa nun depends on my mood: minsan maalat, madalas maasim. Minsan bitter, sometimes spicy. Nakatikim ka na ba ng kinakakabahang adobo? LOL. But, yesterday's adobo was just perfect. Gumamit na ko ng recipe - my own recipe pero measured na. Naging scientific adobo na sya.

Stressed kasi ako lately so binuhos ko lahat ng sama ng loob sa ulam. Malandi daw kasi ako. Ayan, napagalitan tuloy... I felt like a kid being castigated for playing in the rain. And it sucked. I normally don't care what other people think but the people who got turned off by my latest pokpok post were people who mattered. At dahil medyo tinamaan ako sa judgement na binato sa kin (at natameme ako...), Napaisip ako ng bonggang bonnga. I found myself smoking a stick of Vogue (yung malanding manipis na yosi from Manila na bigay lang sa kin ng officemate ko, promise.) while my adobo was simmering in the kitchen. So ayun, may I smoke ako on my balcony while thinking of what I've done wrong.

The smell of food cooking in the kitchen somehow calmed my nerves. Kahit hindi ko pa kakainin yung niluto ko, I felt a little better. I felt like I was at home again. Medyo na-relax ako. My conscience has been killing me kasi. The same conscience that helped rationalize that, as a single gay guy in the city, I can do whatever I want. Ang akala ko kasi, sa pagtatapos ng isang undefined na relasyon, tapos na din ang responsibilidad kong maging isang mabuting tao na kapita-pitagan. Hindi pala. I channeled Homer Simpson. Napa - "Doh" ako. My wondeful conscience kasi disregarded the fact that some people might be affected by what I do and write about. Oo nga naman pala... some people still care for me like the care bears. Meron pa din naman pala na nagpaplano sa kagandahan ko. May nagmamahal pa din maskipaps.

I just wish life had its own recipe - tamang timpla ng sweetness, exact measure ng drama at saya, a dash of tear, a pinch of struggle and a sprinkle of landi to make things extra special. I hope I can master it before it's too late. In the meantime, I'd just partake of my perfect adobo while making muni muni of so many things. Hay, what a way to start the month!

And yes, I am sorry.