The Irony of It All

"Dear bakit ka malungkot?", my lady friend asked me over lunch.

"Ha?", I pretended not to hear her.

"Naho-homesick ka na ba?", she asked.

"Di ba uuwi ka na?", she continued.

I felt my face warm up. I wanted to tell her the truth. I wanted to open up. But, it was lunch. No one goes emo over lunch. I laughed it off.

"Your eyes look sad... kitang kita sa mata mo na malungkot ka...", she explained.

And she was right. I hid everything behind a fake smile. I faked it again.

***

Over lunch, my friend was complaining to me how being in a possible long-distance relationship with her newfound boytoy would challenge her wits. She claims that she cannot do long-distance relationships. She's also thinking of ending it before it even starts. She plans on denying herself the chance to be happy because she is afraid of losing whatever it that they have, eventually. She is scared that distance will kill whatever they have. At that point, I seriously considered (wo)man slaughter. Haha.

I listened intently as she tells me the story of how their weekend "escapade" turned out to be one of the best trips of her life. Oh how I loved seeing her giggle as she recounted each and everything that happened in those three short days together. I saw her smile every time she remembers the guy she was with. I loved how she managed to fall in love over and over again with every story. Again, (wo)man slaughter. Haha.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), my dear friend is unaware of my story. She barely knows what I have been through recently - probably because I have kept mum about it. I wanted to tell her that she should remain hopeful that things do turn out for the better. I wanted to tell her to keep on trying to make it work - that she should not give up. I wanted to tell her that distance can be transcended - even if that means I'd have to eat my own words. I wanted to tell her that she should stop thinking about the future and start living for today. I wanted to share in her happiness. But, I could not.

***

"Dear, what's wrong with you?", she asked me again.

Silence.

"Alam mo dear, dito sa Amerika, mahirap mag-isa.", was all I could come up with.

She looked at me and wondered what the hell I was talking about. I did not even bother to explain. I just faked another smile.

***

Some people take relationships for granted.

The funny thing is that those who are coupled up are often the ones who are always trying to get out of it. And sadly, those who find themselves alone are often those who do not deserve to be alone in the first place.

Such is the irony of life.

***

If only to end this post on a happy note, I am confirming that I am coming home a couple of weeks from now, for a month. Please clear the stage, I'll be dancing front and center.

I'll see you all in Bed.