Homecoming Queen

I went home to the province the other day to meet my family. My mom was there and so was my dad, my sister and my youngest brother. My other brother and sister were still in the metro, working their asses off. I plan to see them soon.

It was a no-nonsense visit - much like the usual weekend visits that I have done the whole time I was in Manila. I wanted them to feel a semblance of normalcy - kunyari nasa Manila lang ako and umuuwi ako ng bahay. I did not want them to think that I had been gone for a long time and would be gone again after a few weeks. But, the reality remains - I was just there on vacation.

Nanay looked a little old. I can see signs of old age on her face - papadalhan ko nga sya ng Olay. She still smiled a lot, parang may topak lang. Hehe. She had the same zeal in seeing me back as if it was the first time she had ever seen me in years. Sabi ko, "Nay, wag OA, ilang buwan lang ako nawala...". Natawa na lang sya. Her voice sounded familiar and her vowels and consonants were still all over the place. Jokingly, I even told her that "fresh" is not the same as "fres". Again, she just laughed it off. My mom and I share a different kind of relationship. She knows that behind all the pambabara ko sa kanya, I will always be there for her.

Tatay looked tired probably from all the years that he's been working hard for everybody. It now shows on his face. His tummy, bigger which, I am sure comes as a result of very poor diet. He limps every time he walks. My Tatay is getting older by the day and I am scared that, no matter how healthy he still remains, old age would eventually get to him. His laugh remained the same and the way he intently listens to my stories is still there. I noticed that Tatay was wearing the shoes I sent him for Christmas. He even told me those shoes helped him walk when arthritis hits him bad. Nag-demo pa nga ang Tatay ko. Kakalurkey.

My sister is much better now. Gone were the horrifying image of a sister who almost lost everything to depression. She had gained weight over the last year which I totally, out of love, ignored. She proudly handed me my Christmas gift - a nice pair of cargo shorts which she probably bought using some of the money I gave her during her birthday. I gratefully accepted and tried on - it was a perfect fit. My sister laughed a lot the whole time I was home - she knows that Kuya has a whole trip planned for everybody and she's very excited to go. I am just happy to see that she's okay.

Bunso had grown so much since I last saw him. He was almost as tall as I am and is now a full-aged teenager. My little brother, much like everyone else in the family, still refuses to acknowledge his feelings. Dedma lang ang drama. He doesn't know that it almost broke my heart to hear him say in his deepest teenager voice, "Hi, Kuya..." when I first opened the door. God, I missed that. "So Tuto, kumain ka na?", was all I was able to say. Lousy me. But, if there was one person I missed, it was him.

Our house looked the same - a little older but it's the same shitty place that I have so gotten used to. There, was the same bed that I would be sleeping in, the same kitchen that I used to cook family meals in, the same everything. I noticed that everyone tried to make the house as clean as possible. But, there's only so much they could do. It was falling apart.

You see, my family still lives in the same old dilapidated house in the province. Those who have come to know me when I was already in Manila would never be able to figure out that I still live there. There is a certain disconnect between who I am now and who I was before. I am a different person - I have climbed the social ladder, somehow. But, it's just me. It stresses me out to think that while I am enjoying the luxuries of life abroad, garbed in labels, I have yet to be able to afford construction of a new house.

During the wee hours of the morning, Tatay and I had a talk. He told me about what had transpired over the time I had been away - from politics to family and everything else in between. I felt that Tatay missed me a lot - I was after all his farm help, his business partner and his advisor among other things - but he was too scared of his own emotions and tried to hide it behind laughs and cooking my favorite meals. Nag-effort ang Tatay ko to cook the same meals I had grown accustomed to. It was as good as I remembered it to be.

I promised Tatay a house within the year. He knows that, much like everything else, I would make good of the promise I make. I just hope he did not see the fear in my eyes when we did a rough estimate of how much new construction would cost. But, okay lang. Kahit pa magutom ako sa pagbabayad ng utang, ipapagawa ko ang bahay. So help me, God.

Coming home to our house in the province and seeing my family again was a whole different experience. It was very humbling and now, I am back on the ground. Yes, my family may be the quirkiest family you'd ever meet in this planet and our house may be the oldest and most dilapidated house on the block but, I know that no matter where I am at and who I have become, I know that that shitty place and that quirky family will always be home.