My Very Own Planet Romeo

I used to have a Guys4Men profile much like many gay-Pinoys online and yes, it has already become a Planet Romeo account. Coming to the States, it was rendered practically useless. You see, that site is Europe and Philippines combined and very few guys in the States have them. In fact, where I am at, there are only 541 active profiles and out of this number, half would be above my threshold age, a quarter of the remaining would be bottoms and only a handful can be considered potential.

Anyway, since I will be in Manila very soon, I decided to check my account again, for old time's sake. Nobody loves me anyway. Haha. I changed my profile, updated my picture and posted my travel date. I smiled watching how many emails came through in just a few days. I shook my head in dismay upon seeing many of the hits I received - some were from potential candidates while some were just plain funny.

As it turns out, many of my hits are possible money-boys, a major turn off. A lot of them are effeminate bottoms in search for love online, on a gay sex site no less! Love really moves in mysterious ways... Haha. While some lived in their own fairy tales - they honestly believe that they are extremely good looking. I shudder at the thought of even replying to their messages.

Looking back at some of the messages I have received so far made me remember why I stopped using this site:

"Hi Tristan,good day to you! How ARE YOU?Im 27 yrs.old,5'4,110 lbs.mascular and smooth body.How about you?"

To which I wanted to reply:

"Oh, it's nice to know that you are mascular. I bet you have really nice mascels."

And there's this one who's probably Ms. Pampanga - Congeniality:

"try pampanga theres a lot of nice places here and if yu want i can show you around..... i used to leave in ortigas before but i choose to stay here in pampanga and haved the simple life..."

Relatedly, another Ms. Congeniality:

"hi. how are you? hope to see u here in philippines. i will be glad to meet u... and i will assure you that u will enjoy accompanying with me.. i can show u around...and more"

I'm quite intrigued by the more part. Maybe I should meet up. But, there's another one from the land of the sili.

"here in philippines in southern luzon albay region 5"

And there's another one:

"hey this is my facbook-----_________@yahoo.com. friendster --- www.frindster.com/_____ PM me if u are intereted."

I think he got me at "facbook". I could just imagine how "intereted" I'd be when I see his "frindster".

Of course, we have those guys who could barely spell out words correctly - text speak still drives me crazy:

"yo. zup? number? txtx"

And then there's this one wants to see my ass in person only because, at that time, my ass was posted online.

"hi i want to see you n person pls"

But, my most favorite are the simple-tons:

"helo im gay frm mnla but very simply me.. can i make freind with you.."

"hello..u seem to be nice..i hope we cud be friends..can we be?? i am a very simple person."

"hi, I'm ____ from Manila. simple person here, you?"

Honey, beyond my hair wax, there is nothing simple about me. I don't do simple, period.

Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou my Romeo?